The Foxy Merkins (Film) Review

Jillian’s pick this week and the next thrilling instalment in our Big Fat Gay Blog Collaboration 2015.


If I’m honest I don’t really want to go back to hetero programming if I can help it. I don’t want to see James Marsden kissing girls ever again, if it can be Margaret instead (read on) or, indeed any of the main protagonists of the last few weeks.

Incidentally, Jill chose this film after reviewing Madeleine Olnek’s 2011 Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same (read her thoughts on it here).

I didn’t really know what to expect, though from the above review, I knew that all bets were off , and that the best thing to do would be just to sit down and enjoy the ride.

*Spoilers*

The Foxy Merkins (2013)

Director: Madeleine Olnek
Stars: Lisa Haas, Jackie Monahan, Alex Karpovsky, Susan Ziegler

IMDB Synopsis: Two lesbian hookers wind their way through a world of bargain-hunting housewives and double-dealing conservative women in this buddy comedy, an homage to and riff on iconic male hustler films.

My Review: 

Margaret isn’t doing great. Down on her luck, homeless and not exactly setting the world on fire, she’s just about making ends meet by selling sex to women. We open with a couple of frankly hilarious sexual anecdotes starring our protagonist which quickly made me realise I was in for an absolute treat.

Rebels

One evening, after swapping sex for a Talbots gift card, Margaret bumps into Jo on the door of an all night cafe and they become instant friends, wandering the city together and sometimes sleeping on the bathroom floor of the Port Authority.

Jo decides that Margaret needs some sort of guidance in the hooking stakes, not a pimp type situation, more of an advocate to fight her corner. She imparts her lofty experience on Margaret and they find themselves in several sexual scenarios that frankly will have you chuckling like your life depends on it (if you like bad sex stories, which I BLOODY DO).

“Do you have one that looks like the heart eyes emoji?”

Along the way, the two BFFs decide to go and find Margaret’s mum but don’t get that far. They do wind up in a graveyard checking that none of the headstones belong to her though. Here they meet Ray Ploshansky from Girls or “The Mumbling Erotic Accessory Salesman” who tries to sell them merkins. It is here that the single most perfect line of the film is uttered and I’m torn about whether I should share it.

(Course I fucking will).

When Ray asks the girls what size merkin they’re looking for, Margaret mumbles that she has a plussize vagina. Loooolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.

“I thought you said this was Jurassic World?”

I don’t want to spoil anyone’s enjoyment of this movie by giving all the little gems away, but let’s just say, under Jo’s tutelage, Margaret enjoys an unconventional cinema date, shares a bizarre evening with two homophobic lesbians (Accounts Payable/Accounts Receivable) and meets a very kinky Republican.

The latter is the source of some of the movie’s best scenes, though they grow increasingly uncomfortable as they play out. Kinky Republican Lady, you see, is into having her date busted by the cops, preferably naked (yeah, who isn’t, right?).

“I sometimes also like to pretend to be a squirrel, is that cool?”

It takes a nasty incident involving the shooting of Ms. Republican’s maid for Margaret to work out that these scenarios are a set up and that Jo may have been in on it from the get go. Which Margaret ain’t happy about, given that she thought it was all real. This causes a few ripples between the ladies which don’t last long, though there may be a bigger fish to fry coming up on the horizon.

I might park this review here because there isn’t much more to say without giving the ending away. The girls travel further on their road trip and things change. But, could there be a happy ending for both women?

Oh sorry, did I forget to announce the Questions section? 

Will Margaret get the girl? And if so, which girl? Will she ever move out of the Port Authority? What’s the big deal with Talbots, is it the American version of Debenhams?

Should I give it all up and become a lesbian hooker? Especially if it means cinema in the day time. All these questions and more will be answered.

“At least I’m wearing my best socks, I guess.”

My Thoughts:

My first thought as the credits rolled was: The fuck did I just watch?! That feeling hasn’t faded but I know I enjoyed every minute.

Marry me, Margaret

Lisa Haas is a real diamond and I’d like to see her exercise her acting chops in other movies. Her gentle, mumbling turn in this lends her a special vulnerability and that makes you root for her. I’m all about the Underdog and Margaret is the adorable poster-girl.

Jo, in contrast, has a hardness that would no doubt serve her well on the streets. They make a good pair. Jackie Monahan reminds me of Connie Britton in some lights and that can only be a good thing.

There’s not much more to say other than this is a gloriously bizarre, touching-in-places, hilaire-in-others buddy movie. With a happy ending? (Watch it and see).

I’d like to see more from Olnek, much more from Haas, and I’m not even kidding, maybe I need me one of those merkins too, because why not shake things up a bit, eh?

My Rating: 4/5 – definitely recommend!

What did Gillian think? Well wonder no more right here.