Dreams Can Come True (But I really hope they don’t)

I’ve always been a dreamer but lately (and for a long while now) I’ve literally been a dreamer – every night I have dreams so vivid I have no fucking clue how to process them. Or even if dreams really do mean half as much as we give them credit for.

I’m thinking of getting a dream journal so I can work through them because some of my night time adventures are so off the chain they have to be something, don’t they? I want to believe they are, anyway. I know it’s really just my brain working through my anxieties and my thoughts from the day but could it be something more?

Last night, I dreamt I was being held hostage by a family of yetis in the woods. I managed to escape because I fortuitously found a yeti mask and was able to convince them I was one of them – and then I escaped. Not after having to grunt convincingly for the ringleaders, because one of them was suspicious.


It doesn’t sound as tense as the actual dream felt, but in the moment it was a life and death situation – and I knew my body language and my verbal nods had to seem legit. And when I was out, I felt that rush of being free, of being safe again – and it was GREAT.

So the yetis were a one off but I often have reoccurring dreams, or I explore similar themes. My horrid ex is always popping up, always angry and every time I’m trying frantically to get away from him – that’s a bad one to experience continually.

I suppose the reason I have that one is pretty straightforward; it’s my worst nightmare to bump into him or to ever have to clap eyes on him again – so duh.

I think those ones come down to guilt: the guilt of allowing myself to make the choices I did back then. It’s like a PTSD situation which might sound a bit casual to throw into a blog post about dreams but is testament to the damage leftover by an abusive relationship.

I wish those ones would stop because sometimes I act out violently and have a moment on waking where I believe I’m guilty of something I can never take back.

Ditto my old best friend, she makes appearances a lot but in a much less dramatic way. We’re usually friends again (no) and I feel guilty about having to tell my actual real life best friend. It’s a relief to leave those ones behind too.

Life is strange, isn’t it? We do what we have to do and everything we juggle can be overwhelming – and then we have to run away from Big Foot at night. It would be nice to switch off my mind at least half of the week – or maybe dream only on weekends?

What are your thoughts on dreams?

Dream Weaver

tumblr_nrupgrR0VI1qiww0to1_500I’ve been having the most bizarre and vivid dreams lately. Perhaps it’s not that surprising given all the human centipedes, creeps and Sensates (not to mention, vengeful feminist vampire teens) I’ve exposed myself to in recent weeks, but still.

Maybe it’s more to do with eating ice cream right before bed, three evenings in a row?

Whatever it is, I’ve been spending my nights roaming the woods with my crossbow (last night), leading an apocalypse survivors gang (night before) and rushing around Disneyland Paris (specifically a new Monsters Inc themed park), trying to find a phone to call work and tell them I’m going to be late (Monday).

Every morning this week I have woken up relieved be in my own bed and not lost in the wilderness. What’s going on, yo? It’s getting exhausting!

Of course these are good old fashioned anxiety dreams, everybody has them from time to time. There are the usual everyday bits and bobs going on, some existential shit such as “What’s it all about?” and the “I need a new job” shiz, but nothing more than normal, or out of the ordinary.

So why am I ferociously fighting for my life, or to get to the office on time, in almost all dreams? Perhaps my inner wall flower gets her best work done subconsciously. Maybe biting my damn tongue all time is finally getting to me and this is my outlet (I’m trying not to be the apologetic/overly diplomatic one all the time).

Whatever the answer is, I’m sure I’ll be doing the same thing tonight. Perhaps I should start paying more attention on these adventures, they’d make great films.


It’s Been Emoji-nal



Last night I dreamt I was the best-selling author of the only Emoji Dictionary. That’s how much of a modern gal I am.

On waking, I was dismayed to realise it was in fact all a fantasy knocked up by my subconscious, but honestly, if there isn’t already such a thing, why can’t I be the one to make it come to fruition?


I bloody love an emoji, or emoticon as some people who aren’t me call it. Why spend an age trying to find the words when a steaming (smiling) pile of shit can do it for me? Love something? Heart eyes! Feeling sick? DEAD FACE. The list of lazy, one image answers to every life question is endless and no, I’m not even sorry about that.

Which is weird as I am not a lover, on the other hand, of the abbreviation. Unless used in the very loosest, ironic sense. Confusing this whole techno no-no, yes-no; I don’t even know malarkey, isn’t it?

Anyway, since it is Sunday and I am kicking my heels until it is time to go to my BFF’s to watch Love Actually, I thought I would share an exert from the soon to be global phenomenon that is the Emojionary. You like?

Here are a few of my favourites (and most used):

persons-0007_largeHeart Eyes – As previously mentioned, this is the “Omigod I LOVE it” shortcut. Designed for fashion items and beauty products of exceptional interest, Heart Eyes is also the best way to make it known that your friends are cute little buggers who are like, totes adorable.

Mr Poo – I hate toilet humour most of the time, certainly of the fecal orpersons-0090_large vomity variety but on a few occasions, there is nothing more poetic than this little guy. He’s so content and comfortable in his own skin (?).

persons-0140_largeNailz did – Well, of course this is overused in my world. In answer to “What are you doing tonight?”, it’s a must. Also to sign off on conversations where you have agreed to do someone’s nails. It’s like a little business stamp, but pretty.

PicMonkey Collage

Autumn Leaves – I just love it when the Season changes from Indian Summer (when we’re lucky) into Autumn. This is when these little scamps come into play. “Would you like to go for an Autumny stroll and then have hot chocolate?” calls for the holy trinity.

0760Kissy Face/Winky Kissy Face – What better way to share your adoration for your loved ones that Kissy Face? Activate the winky one if you’re feeling particularly amorous/cheeky.

Pizza and/or all other fast food related emojis – Hands down myobjects-0182_large favourite emoji action comes from the foodie ones. The fruits are up there with the best of them, as they make a message light up like Carmen Miranda’s g-string; but the burgers and fries and pizzas are truly magical. Usually used to illustrate the perfect Friday night in, these emoji bad boys are probably used with the most relish (Geddit?!).

0740Rictus Grin – For when you suspect you’ve gone too far and have to frantically pull it back. Otherwise known as dressing up an insult/criticism as a joke.

Applause – For when someone has been a clever little sausage, or haspersons-0122_large said something really cool. Though, there is a dark side to the Applause emoji: the slow clap, which is not a compliment and is overused in messages to stupid people. Beware.

True Love Heart – Self-explanatory and reserved only for your verypersons-0180_large bestests.

persons-0136_largePatting Hair Woman – I hear this woman is an Information Desk Clerk of some description, which I don’t see at all. To me she is patting her helmet hair sassily, having just owned someone like a BOSS.

Muscular Arm (which could be a chicken drumstick) – I always feel itpersons-0123_large appropriate to use this when talking about something that means a lot to me. See feminism, gay rights, anything like that. It signifies strength and I like that it isn’t gender specific. It could do with a whopping great tattoo on it though, but that’s my personal preference.

Which leads me into a rant about the emojis we don’t yet have. I mean come on Emoji Makers of the World, really no unicorn?

I propose the following as soon as possible:

Unicorn (as mentioned)
Cup of tea
Tea pot
Beardy man
Tattoo and/or tattooed person
Two hands making the universal heart shape
A finger flipping the bird
A willy (everybody needs a penis every once in a while to convey how their boss is behaving, right?)
A hand holding a cigarette in a cigarette holder (for an old school glamour injection)

Which ones are your favourites? And are there any emojis you’d like to see? Perhaps I can put a word in for you with the EMOTW when I meet them.





Hand-Me-Downs: The Red Shoes

My red shoes looked nothing like these!
My red shoes looked nothing like these!

Clothes and toys, recipes and jokes, advice and prejudice: we all have to handle all sorts of hand-me-downs every day. Tell us about some of the meaningful hand-me-downs in your life. Via The Daily Post (10th September 2014)

I coveted those red shoes for what felt like years. To my childish heart, it felt like forever but in reality it was probably just a few weeks. Those shoes, though, those pillar box red, stiletto heeled mules; they epitomised glamour, making me think of women. Of the woman I so desperately wanted to be.

I must have been about ten or eleven and I was already daydreaming about who I would become.

My aunt owned those shoes and I insisted, every time we went round, that I get to try them on. One day I will buy my shoes just like these, I would think to myself as I trotted around like the perfect cliché of a little girl, except less cute.

I was a tom boy (I think) with short hair back then (not my choice) and my aunt Sine was glamorous to me, with long hair and lashes. Looking back I never saw her wear these shoes herself, and she always seemed to be doing something practical, with two sons it was just the way it was. Still, that’s how I saw it; I wanted to walk in those shoes and be just like her.

I could draw you a picture of them right now if you asked me to, their shape and how they felt is still etched on my heart. They were The Future and when my aunt finally handed them over, I thought my tiny heart might burst with happiness.

I wore my shoes the incredible day they finally became mine and then, as quickly and as childishly as I had fallen for them, I put them away in favour of The Millenium Falcon. I still think of them to this day though and of what they represented to me.

Road Tripping


‘Tis the season for road trips — if time and money were out of the equation, what car-based adventure would you go on? (If you don’t or can’t drive, any land-based journey counts.)

Via The Daily Post (27th July 2014)

Like all predictably cliched girls, one of the items on my bucket list is indeed ‘Go on a Road Trip’. I like the idea of getting in a van or a car and going anywhere the wind takes me. I have been lucky enough in my past to have been part of more than one.

In Australia, my brand new Irish friend and I bought into a battered old station wagon with two Canadian boys and we travelled together for a few months, boogie boards in the back, love beads hanging from the rear view mirror. See? Cliche.

tumblr_n9c6ctxECJ1tu3m8ao1_500I don’t even remember what happened to the car in the end or the boys, although I do remember on the night of my 21st birthday that I threw myself at one of them, the first and last time I ever took the initiative with a guy (sad but true). Later my preferred mode of transport was the trusty Greyhound. Every time I scored a window seat I would imagine I was Julia Roberts in Sleeping With the Enemy, off to start a new life.

Now, I have someone I want to see the World with and ironically we’ve not been on holiday abroad for years. This is both for economical reasons and more besides. I’m not worried though, for my love makes me feel as free and as invincible as the breeze in my hair and the sun on my face.

But if I could choose my ideal trip it would, unsurprisingly, be the whole USA/Route 66 experience. Those wide open roads, the skies; nature. I want to live it, breathe it all in.

I want the cabin in the woods, the tent by a stream, “You kids ain’t from around here, are you?” treatment, without the killings, obvs.

I want to turn off my phone, pull out my Polaroid camera, listen to Skynyrd in t-shirt and jeans, no make-up, tangled hair. I want laughter and adventure. Burgers and pancakes. Freckles on my arms.

I want it all.

Yes, I have thought about this a lot and maybe one day I shall have my wish. One day we will take a month off and just drive. Until then, there are mini-trips and bus rides and the countryside.

Adventure is in the heart.