Remember December


This time last year I was obviously not feeling it (must be an annual funk) so I decided to mark each day in December with a life affirming truth nugget, or at least something with a good vibe. I don’t want to say it was only aimed at the girls who read my blog or anything, but they were definitely my target audience as I addressed all manner of subject matter including having nice hair, keeping your crown up and fucking your haters (no, not like that).

God knows 2016 has done a number on all of us (taken Alan Rickman for a start, which will not make Christmas easy). The annual Die Hard/Love Actually double bill will never be the same. Not to mention all the hate and conflict bobbing around the world, I’m going to continue the tradition.

So I hope you will join me this month for your daily affirmation. Let’s share the love this season because what else can we do? Normal service will continue alongside this series, so don’t think you’ll miss out on any horrifying Christmas reviews, because you will not.

See you tomorrow!

And remember this: You are enough and you are fucking fabulous. You always have been and you always will be. ❤

The Hot (or Not) List

When I read a fashion magazine (or any magazine for that matter), I love a Hot/Not List. Not that I take much heed of what I should or shouldn’t be eating/watching/wearing, I mean I’m more programmed to fall for something on the totally uncool side of the list, anyway.

Nevertheless, I still enjoy being influenced by new books, films and fashions whenever I can. I also like the thought of doing my own list once a week or thereabouts. I was thinking of making it a Sunday exercise, and setting myself no particular rules, just listing shit I dig, such as smiles from strangers, discount Valentine’s Chocolate and The Duff, and shit I don’t (loud chewers, cold hands, Jessica Jones).

Fun, huh?

Since it’s Tuesday I’m already a couple of days late but I’m still going to post because I’m a consummate professional like that. So without further ado, what’s Hot and what’s not in my world right now?

Hot Right Now

PicMonkey Collage
Geo print, £14 & Kimono Sleeve, £12.50 – both Pink Clove


I now own so many jumpsuits and you could say they’re a larger woman’s secret weapon. They can look really put together and awesome while still being the most comfortable thing ever. Like wearing posh pyjamas to work or dressing like a comfort-conscious superhero.

I’m currently wearing the geographical print above and let me tell you, it packs quite the punch. I feel like the fourth Angel. I’m just missing the Farah flick and big sunnies to finish off this bodacious look.


Cate Blanchett‘s Bafta 2016 Dress

This Alexander McQueen dress with it’s finely embroidered bodice and black feathered floor length skirt is absolutely breathtaking, and Cate looks insanely gorgeous in it. Was this woman born for the red carpet, or what?

Other highlights of Bafta night for me were Leo‘s acceptance speech thanking his mum and John Boyega winning EE Rising Star. Also, Kate Winslet, always.

PicMonkey Collage2
Fierce (are we still saying that?)

Bowie Tribute Looks

Both Costume Designer Sandy Powell and Queen Gaga took to the carpets (Bafta and the Grammys, repectively) this week in outfits that would do Ziggy proud.

I have a feeling there were some negative comments regarding these choices but I refuse to read them anymore so let’s just declare both women bloody gorgeous and leave it at that.

Gaga then took to the stage and gave a tribute performance of a lifetime. She looked like she was having so much fun. Yasssss my Queen.

I’m a Belieber

Carpool Karaoke

I haven’t seen the new Biebs carpool yet (heading home to watch it though!) but I just love this series. I’m not the hugest James Corden fan but in these I adore him, he’s so watchable and warm. Basically, it wouldn’t matter who was in the ‘celebrity’ seat, I’d still watch and be hugely entertained.

So far Adele‘s has been the best. Obvi.

Not So Much

Cold Hands

Why are my poor hands always so cold? And why haven’t I bought any gloves yet this Winter? Oh that’s right, so far it’s been too mild. Now it’s too cold and tomorrow I’ll be running through a water sprinkler in a bikini probably.

Global warming problems.

So you’re on a diet?

Diet Talk

I now know exactly how much the nice lady in the Co-op is hoping to lose in weight before her holiday in Morocco – because she couldn’t wait to tell me.

Look, I get it, we’re women and this is what we’re supposed to do but I don’t want this talk in my life. Good for you, lose a stone, feel great – I’m over here trying to buy a Peparami and move on with my day, thankyouverymuch.
On your bike, haters

Memes that pit women against each other

You’re probably seen the Audrey Hepburn Vs. The Kardashians meme before, the one that says something along the lines of “In a world full of Kardashians, be Audrey.” It does the rounds on FB every now and again. Christ it pisses me off!

Sometimes it’s not Audrey, sometimes you get Princess Diana and I just don’t even know where to start with any of it. They’re implying that Audrey/Di has a level of class Kim & Co will never possess and that’s just nuts. It’s just slut shaming (and the rest) all over again and I’m not down. I am not down at all.

I haven’t posted the meme because I wish it would curl up and die, so have an image of Kim dressed similarly to Audrey instead! You see, anyone can look like butter wouldn’t melt. *insert knife stabby emoji here*


So there we have it, what’s hot and what’s not this week.

What’s hot in your eyes? Anything I need to check out? 💗

#weekendcoffeeshare III

tumblr_nu2dzbSIrK1uyl8cpo1_500I decided this week to take a break from the gym so my tattooed rib can heal. This, of course, is just an excuse on my part not to work out, not that I really ever need one.

I know that I suffer when I don’t push myself so next week I’ll be re-focusing on my physical activity. 4-5 times a week makes me feel so much stronger, and mainly in the mental sense.

The last few weeks have also seen a dip in my sweat quota and I’ve used work stress as my justification for that.

Ironic when you consider that I’d probably have been way less wired if my body and mind had been tired out. Sleeping would have been a piece of cake too.

Anyway, I’ve just read Shivani’s post about her fitness journey on Cloud in a Teacup and found it rather inspiring. While my own flirtation (looking for a permanent arrangement) with self care is slightly different, the end result is the same: we’re both looking for change.

I’m not doing this so much for weight loss. I think nurturing my attitude towards my body at the size it is is far more important than counting calories and saying no to cake. I’m an almost 40-year-old woman FFS, if I’m not who I really am now, then what the heck is going on?

But, while I’m mostly happy with my Size 18 frame, I am not down with lethargy and believe me on a weekend all I want to do is be lying horizontal whilst mainlining television. I will still do this but I think having a small level of fitness under my XL belt can only be a good thing.

I don’t know why I’m talking about my body so much over Weekend Coffee but there it is. From tomorrow I will be lacing on those disco ball Adidas and climbing onto the cross trainer with Faithless in my ears – and I will smash it.

I’ll also be settling myself into more of a routine when in comes to these sessions. I tend to get towards the middle/end of the week without having graced the hallowed gym with my presence and then having to cram all my visits into the end of the week, which is never fun.

Reading back this post, I’m actually looking forward to moving this arse again.

And now at least I have a hot tattoo to show off in the locker room afterwards, eh? ❤

#weekendcoffeeshare II

Over coffee I might tell you about my week, which wouldn’t win any prizes for changing the world but had some definite highlights. And was thankfully, a little less manic.

Since it’s been a busy weekend, and I suddenly started feeling very queasy, I probably wouldn’t be all that talkative so I’d show you my Instagram feed instead.

PicMonkey Collage.png

  1. I’ve just started reading this book. So far, so good – I love that it’s written from Chief’s perspective
  2. Sending out positivity helps me
  3. A trip to the local chippy with my work buds makes Friday even better
  4. This is Margo. Margo is the prettiest girl in the world
  5. I do love this guy, for like ever
  6. Baxter
  7. Nothing worth having comes easy, a mantra my mother used to share and now a display on my sister-in-law’s office wall. Too true
  8. My brother and Baxter, before Baxter went buck wild with a little black dog called Archie
  9. More Baxter because you’ve got to love Baxter

It’s been a lovely weekend in Kent with family, celebrating a late Christmas. Now to chill out and prepare for the week to come…

How was your weekend? ❤

American Mary (Film) Review

I’ve wanted to see this movie for a few years and finally found a way to view it recently. It’s been getting some great reviews ever since its release and is kind of a big deal in horror circles. Which is great.

I’ll go into my rating and view on it nearer the end of this post, but I want to put a small disclaimer at the beginning, before I myself get started. First of all:

*This post is rife with spoilers, so tread carefully, my dears*

Secondly, I will review this is a similar format to all the other films we’ve included in Jillian & Christa’s Great Blog Collab; however, I strongly feel that this film should be enjoyed, particularly by horror fans who will adore it, so I’m not going to ruin absolutely every last piece of it with detail. Okay?

We shall begin.

The Film:

American Mary (2012)

Where to Watch:

US Netflix

The Premise:

The allure of easy money sends Mary Mason, a medical student, into the world of underground surgeries which ends up leaving more marks on her than her so-called “freakish” clients. (via IMDB)

The Trailer:

Viewable here.

The Uncondensed Version: 

We open with a close up of a scalpel gliding through flesh. The same flesh is then stitched and as the camera pans out, it become apparent that this is the flesh of a chicken (or turkey). Our heroine, Mary is obviously a dedicated student as she studies into the night, in the comfort of her very best negligee.

“Relax, I’ve got Thanksgiving sewn up.”

The next day, Mary is admonished in class when her phone goes off. Her grumpy professor is quick to pull her up in front of her peers, though she answers his smug questioning like a pro. After class she apologises and he tells her he’s had enough of twats in his classroom and that she shouldn’t fuck it up since she’s one of his most promising students.

Later on, Mary is in the car park speaking to someone on the phone (a debt collector). Grumpy professor (actual name Dr. Grant), overhears as he’s getting into his car, but drives off without comment.

Mary returns home and wouldn’t you know it? She lives alone in a wonderful Bohemian loft (on her own with a bird). There’s the source of her money issues right there, I have to say. If she downgraded to a bedsit or got roommate for a few months, I think she’d be fine.

While searching online for a way to make some cash, Mary chats to her Nana on the phone, a Hungarian lady who is concerned about young people making love all over the shop. Mary assures Nana she’s watching the wrong TV shows and stumbles across a ‘Non-sex’ job that pays cash.

Mary goes to a strip club, where she meets Poor Man’s Mark Ruffalo, Billy who is a chauvinistic strip club owner (big wow), who makes her strip to prove she isn’t fat. (I got annoyed by the fat joke here because it’s unnecessary, but does illustrate what a pig Billy is supposed to be). He then gets Mary to massage him but whilst this happens, shit kicks off.

No scrubs.

From Mary’s resume, Billy knows that she is a medical student so he asks her to go with him. He says he’ll give her $5K (CAN) if she does what he says. She’s a little bit dubious, which annoys him, but then she agrees to do anything he asks if he gives her the cash that night (oo-er). Thankfully, it’s not a degrading sex act. Mary is required to sew up a bleeding man who seems to have lost an eye and been sliced up a bit.


Back home, Mary is sickened by what she’s done and climbs into the shower (semi) dressed. Later she falls asleep on the couch with a baseball bat.

These are the actions of a woman not entirely comfortable with her actions the previous night. She sleeps, just about, but then her phone starts to ring.

Mary answers and is shocked when the caller asks for Doctor Mason. She hangs up. The caller rings again. They chat a little more, with the caller revealing her name but Mary hangs up again, assuring Beatrice that she has the wrong number and the wrong idea.

Mary is back in the kitchen suturing turkeys and gulping down wine when the doorbell goes. The disembodied voice on the intercom announces that it has a package for Mary and Mary lets this person up, which let’s face it is sloppy work.

Since the voice is identical to Beatrice’s from earlier on, it’s no surprise when she appears inside Mary’s airy loft (not a euphemism). The surprise, instead, is that Beatrice has a distinctive look and is seeking unorthodox assistance from Mary, for a friend (it’s always a friend). Mary is unconvinced until they talk figures and is persuaded to at least show up by the promise of $2K (CAN).

Boop boop be doop

Mary arrives at Beatrice’s niece’s place of work, a veterinarian’s surgery (convenient) and still isn’t sure what she’s let herself in for. Bea (who is my favourite character and hands down the most adorable creature I’ve ever seen), suggests that Mary speak to her friend, Ruby to find out what she wants herself.

Mary meets Ruby, a real-life Barbie doll fashion designer who gives Mary a speech about dolls and the non-sexualisation of said dolls. It becomes apparent that Ruby would like her nips removed, please and her va-jay-jay sealed up (I can see obvious issues with this plan, but who am I to judge?). Mary takes about 25 seconds to decide that she’s cool with this arrangement and soon gets to work.

The surgery scenes are actually very well done (and I credit the female directors for this). They aren’t for the squeamish but they aren’t gratuitously gruesome. Mary, in fact, is quite tender with her first (second) patient and it’s quite touching. After the deed is done, Mary tells Bea what to do with Ruby, aftercare-wise, and then tells her not to give her details out to anybody else.

As Mary is leaving, Bea asks her what she wants to be called on Ruby’s website, as she will have to be mentioned in some way to the body modification community. Mary says she doesn’t mind. After the surgery, Mary is sick again but recovers much quicker.

Something bad is going to happen to you, Mary! DO NOT DRINK THE DRINKS

Round about here I’m going to hold back a little and just tell you that Bea turns up again (Yey! I was worried she’d be a one scene wonder) and gives Mary a present from Ruby. Mary goes about her bizniz at the hospital (being a proper student, yo) and gets in with Dr. Walsh, an important looking surgeon at the hospital.

He invites her to an exclusive drinks party at an undisclosed address later that evening, stating that everyone is very impressed with her and that Dr. Grant (Grumpy professor) had recommended that she be invited. She arrives wearing the amazing dress gifted to her by Ruby.

Basically, all the red flags are flapping as Mary enters the party but she doesn’t notice because she’s a good, conscientious girl. Something bad does happen to her and it’s nasty (and hard to watch). Though it is a necessary scene in terms of setting the tone of the rest of the movie, so I understand why it had to be included.

Once home, Mary has visibly changed and she wastes no time. Revenge is on her mind and this is where Billy (and his lovely henchman, Lance) come back in. I should say here that I forgot to mention a conversation Mary has with Dr. Grant at the party, before her horrifying ordeal begins. The gist of it is this, he tells Mary that as long as they make no mistakes as surgeons, everything else they do is forgiven (RED FLAG, MARY! RED FLAG!). Mary doesn’t buy this (because she is inherently good) but takes it on board.

But back to vigilante justice. Billy and Lance deliver a special care package to her loft in the form of one Grumpy professor. The message is clear: don’t rape people. Ever.

“This is going to hurt you a helluva a lot more than it’ll hurt me, fucker!”

Mary is starting to show more of any interest in the body modification community, having stumbled across a website called This leads to some creativity thinking and thankfully she now has a guinea pig to practice on. Eek!

I love me an alternative film poster!

Mary gets good at the old body mod and starts to drum up a nice little business for herself. Lance seems to be on the payroll now too, which I love (he’s so cute!). Meanwhile, a detective appears and he’s investigating the disappearance of Dr. Grant. He’s been given a list of students Dr. Grant may have harmed (by Dr. Walsh) and he wants to talk to them. Mary plays it cool and the Detective seems well-meaning but leaves.

Billy is falling in love with Mary and keeps dreaming about her. Mary tells him about the Detective and Dr. Walsh’s involvement. He asks her if she wants him to take care of Walsh. She says no.

Beatrice takes Mary for coffee and they stop off at Ruby’s studio for some information that Bea wants her to have. While there, Mary sees a picture of Ruby with a man. Bea tells her it’s Ruby’s husband. Bea then reveals that are interested in Mary’s work and want to meet with her. She agrees to meet them at Billy’s club.

Mary thought the job interview was going well

The twins sent by (or are they make quite the entrance and head to Billy’s office. They lay out their plans to Mary and tell her that she has quite the following. They also tell her that she’s referred to underground as ‘Bloody Mary’. They advise her that she needs to think about all this herself and consider setting up her own website as people will be looking for her. She asks them if they’re free Friday for their body mod op.

Twisted sisters (and the Directors of this very flick, the Soska twins.)

Mary performs the procedures requested by the twins and then goes off to do something while they’re still unconscious. I won’t reveal but during this outing, Mary ends up committing her first murder. Shocked and appalled by what she’s done, she calls Billy (who’s busy beating someone up) who sends Lance (lovely Lance). Lance buys Mary dinner and they talk about how bad she feels.

Lance breaks it down, telling the story of a woman he knows who was horribly abused by an intruder and found four days later. He says he wishes he’d known Mary back then. He then tells her to never devalue what she does and just make sure the people she chooses deserve it. This speech cheers her up no end, so well done Lance, you cutie.

Mary moves because she’s got loads of cash now and starts to take pictures in her professional looking studio for her website. As she’s pottering around, having just completed a dick splitting op, the Detective appears again and tells her that Dr. Walsh is now missing. He then tells Mary that they found a video of the girls Dr. Grant has abused. She asks if she is on the tape. He says she wasn’t but that he still believes she was one of his victims.

“Come on a trip?” “Maybe.”

Turns out Billy has involved himself even though she asked him not to and has the tape. He lurves Mary, you see. Sadly she walks in on him being sucked off by a stripper. Mary gets a little jealous so we know she likes him too. He tells her that he needs a change of scenery and is thinking of driving down to Cali. He asks her to go with him and she says she’ll think about it, as she might need a change too.

She heads home… and there’s an ending. You can figure that out for yourself.

The Critique:

Loved it. Loved it, loved it, loved it. I should probably admit that this week was my choice and that this movie has been on my Netflix list for some time. My reason for picking it was purely selfish.

I have a massive crush on Katherine Isabelle obviously, because the fact she’s the lead in this was what peaked my interest in the first place. The plot itself was a close second as I love the idea of self-expression and body positivity that flows throughout. Even if you do feel you have to seek it out through modification (which is A-OK with me). Katherine, you may remember, was also the star of Ginger Snaps, the first film Jill and I collaborated on.

Sure, it’s not a perfect film, there’s probably no such thing (maybe Kill Bill (2003)?), but that’s perfectly fine by me. It’s about enjoyment and this was superb. As I mentioned above, I like the themes involved, I’m also a sucker for vigilante justice.

I think the fact that this movie is presented by women, namely the Soska sisters, has something to do with the way it was handled. It’s graphic to a point but doesn’t ram its message down your throat. When the unthinkable happens to Mary, it’s done in a subtle way. It’s not done in the same way as, say, Last House on the Left (2009). And believe me, as a viewer, this makes a difference, if a scene like this absolutely has to feature for the sake of the story.

It’s inventive, empowering in places (in terms of taking control/fighting back) and it’s fun. It’s definitely one of the best modern horror films of recent times, in my eyes anyway. Katherine is a dream and I also have big love for some of the smaller characters; for Beatrice and for Lance, in particular.

I do feel very strongly about self-acceptance, but I think it’s down to the individual how they love themselves. If arriving at a place of self love means changing things, however big or small, then why not? I know my tattoos are a more socially accepted form of modification and I love them more than anything.

All in all, this was a great film and I hope the horror genre continues to give us more of the same calibre. I’m done with the Insidious films and of never seeing anything new or intriguing.

Incidentally, my sister-in-law is doing a masters in film and is currently working on her second film. She’s focusing (at the moment) on the horror/ghost story genre and, although I’ve always been interested in films of this nature, I’ve been reading more about women in film/horror and it’s exciting. See Screen Queens for a really good blog on the subject. And if you want to, please check out my lovely sis’ production blog too.

The Rating:


5 surgical knives out of 5

That might seem like a generous rating for an imperfect movie but I’m sticking by it. It was just interesting enough to keep me engrossed until the end (the Soskas have talked about an alternative conclusion, which they almost went with) and I liked the characters, though more padding would have made it even better. Basically, I loved it.

Pop over to Jillian’s to see what she thought.

All images via Google.

Things & Inc #3

I’ve decided to break these posts up into categories, which helps my ailing mind when it comes to remembering all the little things I’ve been digging on.

A few things on my radar this week:

Carrie O, Carrie O, baby!

Television: The Carrie Diaries

I recently figured out how to view the first season of this show which was very exciting for me (not so for my husband). I tried to go in with an open mind (and heart), fearing that it would be teeny bop rubbish and ruin the character of Carrie for me; a character I remain loyal to, to this day.

(Yes, she’s annoying and self-absorbed at times. No, I don’t care.)

I was pleasantly surprised. Set in 1984, Carrie Bradshaw is 16 and still reeling from the death of her mother. She’s just returned to junior year of high school and has all the normal worries of a teenager: does that cute guy like me?, what’s up with my weird kid sister?, friendship, virginity.

But she is also an aspiring writer (yeah she is) and has recently taken up a once a week internship for a law firm in the city. New York City, of course.

As Carrie falls in love with NYC, makes a group of exciting new friends and starts to envisage a life less ordinary, she must also learn to juggle family life and all the people waiting for her back home, including super hot Sebastian Kydd.

It’s no Sex and the City but it’s not bad. It gives Carrie the back story she deserves, but you know it baffles me that I don’t remember a single mention of her history in the show. Did we even know she had a sister?

Also, AnnaSophia Robb, who plays Carrie is great and has an uncanny ability to mimic some of SJP/Carrie’s mannerisms, which is trippy.

You should watch this

Film: White Bird in a Blizzard

Eva Green always plays her parts a little mental and I love her for it. She’s no different in this film, as the enigmatic and beautiful, Eve Connors; house proud uber goddess, wife of Brock, mother of Kat.

Kat (Shailene Woodley) is 17 when her mother disappears. As Kat grows up and deals with all the normal things a teenager does, she is never far away from the question: what happened to Eve?

I really enjoyed this. I’m a fan of a good mystery at the best of times, and this is an interesting one. Shailene Woodley carries the film remarkably as her character navigates friendships, relationships and life with her father, as he unravels. She’s definitely an actress to watch.

The film is beautifully acted, gorgeous to look at and grips you just enough to care about the ending. Recommend.

You should read this

Book: A Fraction of the Whole

This book (by Steve Toltz) really deserves its own review but I can’t do it. It’s a mighty tome and I wouldn’t know where to start.

The Dean family is full of characters. Martin Dean and his brother, Terry have lived a vivid and crazy life. Now from the comfort of his prison cell, Jasper, son of scheming Martin tells their unlikely story.

This tale has everything: sex, violence, love, betrayal, heartache, a labyrinth, a girl called Anouk, a handbook for criminals, a money-making scheme, a vigilante mob, murder, explosions, intrigue and mystery.

The only thing I really need to say is: pick up a copy and read it for yourself.

My lovely boo, Becky gave me a copy for my birthday, citing it as her all time favourite. Although, apparently, I was well behind the curve on this book as, when my Mum spotted it on my shelf, she said “Haven’t you read that yet?”. Trust me, it’ll give you all the feels – and then some.

I’m reading Jackie Collins next though, while my mind knits back together (on account of it being BLOWN).

Book details:

  • A Fraction of the Whole
  • Publisher: Penguin; Reprint edition (14 May 2009)
  • ISBN-10: 0141031824
  • ISBN-13: 978-0141031828
  • Gifted paperback

So there it is.

What are you watching/reading/digging?

Grabbers (Film) Review

“You’ll lose you head for this movie!”

It’s been a few weeks since the last Jillian & Christa’s Great Blog Collab and I, personally, think that’s way too long.

I realised, whilst completing this weeks ‘assignment’, that I love the process of choosing/finding out what the new film is, watching and then thinking about it. Then thinking about the next one.

B-movies/horror/dubious monster flicks + being a snarky bitch are my life force so what better way to stretch my film reviewing chops than a combination of the two shared with someone who loves it just as much as I do? Plus, I’ve made a f**king fabulous new friend #winning.

This week we’ve got a very strong entry. Viewing it as a film lover, it’s probably the best looking/acted and special effected movie we’ve collaborated on yet (Sorry Killer Mermaid).

It also had me bellowing with laughter at certain points, which is never, ever a bad thing, but a little disconcerting when you’re actually supposed to be laughing along, rather than laughing at.


The Film: 

Grabbers (2012)

Where to Watch:

US/UK Netflix

The Premise:

When an island off the coast of Ireland is invaded by bloodsucking aliens, the heroes discover that getting drunk is the only way to survive. (via IMDB)

The Trailer:

Viewable here.

The Uncondensed Version: 

We start with a view of planet Earth with a meteorite/shooting star travelling at a rate of knots across its surface. Then we close in on a trawler boat floating in the middle of the sea. One of the boat’s crew witnesses the meteorite/shooting star as it hurtles past and lands nearby.

What is it with fishermen being so involved in our movie collaborations anyway? I’m not complaining, I just don’t know how I’ll feel when I next see a crap film and it doesn’t feature a beaten up old sea dog.

But back to our trawler. A particularly beardy seaman (Ron?), looks off-screen at something terrifying coming towards him but before his friends get to him, he is dragged away. One by one our hapless fishermen are picked off by an unseen something, leaving behind a heavy breathing youngster who eventually gets it too. Nice lead in.

The Full Monty line-up had dwindled somewhat, due to budget cuts

The next morning, a (pretty) female police officer travels onto the island by boat and is picked her new and gruff (also hung over) colleague, O’Shea, who doesn’t seem exactly ecstatic to have her around. She’s in town to assist the local police force (of two people) as one of them is going on holiday.

They don’t exactly hit it off straight away but before they have time to discuss things any further, they’re called to deal with a very bizarre occurrence on the beach (directly after Gruff tells Lady Cop that nothing ever happens around here. Oooh!).

“He’s got red on him”

For some inexplicable reason (or is there?!), a load of poor whales have washed up on the beach. Gruff and Lady Cop (Lisa) arrive to find Dr. Smith (the amazing, beautiful Russell Tovey, the nation’s sweetheart), a Marine Ecologist scratching his head (actually, he’s measuring the whales and looking quite busy). He says that it is not uncommon for whales to beach themselves but hella weird for a whole gang of them to die at the same time.

As O’Shea ponders the deep cuts all over the whale they’re standing beside, Smith says that he thinks they were dead before they washed up and were probably torn up on the rocks. Smith then flirts outrageously with Lisa and I gain even more respect for him.

Shortly after this exchange, O’Shea goes to visit a local builder to borrow his trucks. Someone has to move the poor whales, but honestly, I’d love to know what they do with them afterwards. Full-on marine memorial, I hope.

While all this is going on, two fishermen (them again!) ensnare something exotic in a lobster trap (we can’t really see what it is but it’s clear this ain’t no lobster). My favourite character-to-be, Paddy, shows his trawler friend, and his friend gets squirted on for his troubles (not in the good way).

Later that evening, as the sun fades, and the last of the bloated whale corpses is carried away, the foreman shouts at one of his workers to go and get a shovel that’s been left behind. Poor Unassuming Worker (or PUW) runs back to the beach where he discovers some unusual looking eggs. Eggs! Alas, before he can share his discovery with the world, he is dragged, kicking and screaming, into the ocean by… I saw nothing, could be anything…

While PUW is drowned to death, we learn that Paddy has taken his lobster trap, complete with non-lobster prisoner, back to his cottage and placed him in the bath. Seriously, I hope he’s added salt to the tub, you can’t just plonk marine life willy nilly into any old wet environment…

I’m going to skip forward a little bit here because this is a great film with lots of gore and horror, but I don’t want to go completely scene for scene. Basically, quite a few villagers perish, in humorous yet suspenseful ways.

The landlady of the pub decides to play match maker and tells a drunken O’Shea that Lisa obviously has a twinkle in her eye for him. He makes the mistake of going upstairs (she is staying in the Inn above the pub) and propositioning her, which goes down about as well as a cup full of cold sick. The two of them do start to bond though (who knew) after she locks him in the cells overnight to sober up.

“Don’t look directly at it!”

Paddy returns home on the same night only to be attacked by his sea creature, a tentacle heavy blue beast. Miraculously though, it doesn’t kill him and he manages to capture it. Luckily for Paddy, he knows exactly what to do with the creature and hot foots it to see Russell Tovey, along with O’Shea and Lisa.

Over another bout of unbelievable flirting from Tovey, the gang work out a few things; a) that their little blue baby is female and b) was pregnant when she attacked Paddy. After this is determined, they figure that the father must be around here somewhere and using a map, chart out the areas these mysterious creatures have been hanging out. They decide to go to Black Rock, to have a poke around.

“I said, “Don’t look directly at it!””

Black Rock (a cluster of black rocks), yields some interesting findings, e.g. some more eggs and… DADDY! Thing is, Daddy is ten times bigger than Mummy, and is seriously PISSED. He’s looking for his wife and babies, so you can’t really criticise him for wanting to take off people’s heads to get to them.

O’Shea, Lisa and Paddy run back to Tovey’s lab and decide it’s a good idea to set fire to Mummy so that Daddy can’t find her. They accidentally letting off the fire alarms, complete with water sprinklers, thus creating an even more soaked environment for Mummy and Daddy to slop about in.

In the kerfuffle to turn off the sprinklers, O’Shea is attacked by Mummy, who’s been to Alien Face Hugger Acting School and plays her part magnificently.

Somehow, O’Shea gets her off his face and she start throwing up blood, repelled by the taste of him. The gang ponder how O’Shea, and Paddy, the night before, managed to survive such an attack and eventually put two and two together; both men are utter piss heads with ridiculously high blood alcohol content, something the sea monster/alien or Grabber (as Paddy has named them) seems to be allergic to.

“This is no time to play WWF, Mr Tovey”

Off the back of this, the gang come up with the frankly amazing plan to get everyone together and pissed up in the only pub on the island, to keep them from harm. Oh yes, did I mention? Police back up can’t come until morning due to the massive storm that’s coming. OBVS.

So they go to the pub, rounding up the villagers as they go. Lisa has never been drunk in her life so the men get her completely inebriated and test out her blood on Mummy Grabber. It seems to more or less work so they get the party started.

O’Shea, uncharacteristically, volunteers to be the only sober person. Lisa is under the impression that he is a widower, which is what the stirring landlady has told her. She’s obviously hot for O’Shea which I didn’t get at first but am sort of coming around to as he proves to be pretty heroic (and looks like a craggier Michael Sheen). Along the way a few of the villagers we have come to know and love, lose their lives (and their heads), I won’t list them but let’s just say, Tovey’s Dr Smith never gets to pull Lisa.

It’s raining tentacles

I’m going to wind it down here because I think people should watch this film without me having ruined absolutely every element of it; but it all comes to a head as the eggs hatch, Daddy Grabber finds his way to the pub and there’s a final fight for survival (on all sides).

Do O’Shea and Lisa kick adequate arse and kill Daddio? Do they ever get off with each other? Does my beloved fisherman friend, Paddy leave with his life? Well, only one way to find out!

The Critique:

I liked it. I liked it a lot. The film is beautifully shot, with stunning scenery. I think I’d be happy to holiday on this island, you know once the Grabbers are finally cleared off the beach.

What I liked most about the film is that it made me laugh, really belly laugh out loud at certain points. It also had the feel of an Edgar Wright movie, making me think of Shaun of the Dead/The World’s End more than once, which might just be my association with the pub lock in, I don’t know but it’s good and is all about the smaller characters; the brilliant Paddy, the village GP, the pub landlords. They’re a riot.

A pretty good British/Irish creature feature all round. And it ends with O’Shea and Lisa agreeing to check on the dog left behind by one of the dead villagers, which is absolutely the way survivors (oops, spoiler alert!) should talk at the end of films of this nature. Dogs always get a bad rap in the movies and I absolutely hate it. So yey, Grabbers!

The Rating:

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4.5 cool Cthulhus out of 5

Pop over to Jillian’s to see what she thought.

All images via Google.

My Week in Pictures – March 17 to 20

PicMonkey Collage

This edition of My Week in Pictures is sponsored by cake, and dedicated to one of my favourite people on the planet, Tatty of who celebrates her 21st birthday on Sunday.

On Wednesday we celebrated her (fake) birthday in style with cake, crown and candles, before she jetted off to Sri Lanka yesterday. I am beside myself with jealousy and have been pining quietly (not that quietly) at my desk all day, while she frolics in the rain forest with the elephants.

Pictures, left to right, top to bottom:

  1. (Fake) birthday #selfie with the Queen Bee
  2. I’ve made a conscious effort to record my Outfits of the Day this week. I personally bloody love an #ootd and I think they can be great for recording the days you feel good about yourself, which I am. So, yey
  3. My beautiful girl, Tatty
  4. This amuh-zing table in Presuming Eds was sending me subliminal (yet somehow not that subtle) messages while I caught up with a work friend over coffee. As we supped our favourite caffeine treats, we made a pact to view each other’s CVs next week. Neither of us are exactly overjoyed about our working situations at the moment, and both need a change
  5. Rocking polka dots for the obligatory bathroom #ootd
  6. This great piece of bizarre and beautiful #brightongraffiti (is it still graffiti if it’s basically a big sticker?)
  7. Tatty making a wish. I wished for cake, and I got it straight after this picture was taken #winning
  8. You can’t really see the print or the colour in this image, but this is my favourite dress, given to me for my birthday by my sister-in-law #ootd
  9. Do-nut criticise me for my love of baked treats, okay?

On the subject of photography, I have fallen hopelessly behind on my #photo101 assignments. But don’t worry. I’m going to try to use this weekend and next week to catch up!

Happy weekend, all!

My Weekend in Pictures – March 15

Or rather, my Sunday in pictures. Saturday wasn’t the most photogenic of days, let’s put it that way! Unless you’re interested in the sight of me with a top knot, scrubbing the loo.

A couple of #selfies in there for you as well as some kick ass graffiti and the interior of a great new coffee shop.

I’ve a bit of a headache so I’m going to bed with my book for a bit. These happy pictures will have to represent me today, I’ll offer a better post tomorrow.

I’ve got a couple of mini film reviews to put up later and for once, I’ve actually drawn up a blog schedule, so there’s a lot planned for this week, which is quite exciting for me.

Basically, once I’m shifted this headache, you won’t be able to shut me up. Happy Monday!

Weekend 2: Photography 101

So this weekend I’m supposed to play with light at different times of the day; dawn, the middle of the day, afternoon and dusk. Well, ain’t nobody got time for that, I have things to do and people to see today. And hoovering to do.

However, I have something even better to share, I think.

Last night something made me think of my old Flickr account, so I went looking for it and found all my old pictures! While rummaging through my digital memories, I found an album entitled Scanners (2008). Basically, all I had to create these images was my mother’s scanner, a computer and – voila! – this series of incredibly pretentious shots was birthed.

Aren’t they special?

Now, when I look at these, all I see is a silly girl trapped in a life she didn’t want but the images are kind of great. Yes that’s a banana (and my boobs).

As for the rest of the pictures on Flickr, I’m tempted to delete them all forever. I’m tempted to pretend I was never that stupid hopeful girl; and maintain that I was always this together and flawless. (Insert maniacal laughter here).

Life isn’t like that though, nor should it be. We’ve got to hold on to the memories, no matter how sick they make us feel now. It’s all a matter of comparison, after all.

Have a great weekend, all!