Beards & Germs

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“Oh, you’re growing a beard? Cute.”

The hipster has done many things. He* has killed off many well-loved things over the short time he’s been King and as I type this I can’t think of a single relevant example. Tea? Knitting? Scooters, maybe?

You know you’ve seen an adult (hipster) on a scooter at some point and you’ve probably had to fight the urge to gently nudge him off as he passes. It’s a child’s toy, the scooter: walk or cycle like a grown up and get off my pavement, man!

This way of thinking actually goes against my personal philosophy and I don’t really mean it. If you want to firmly grasp the things that make you feel young and free, what business is it of mine? You do you, I’ll be me. I’m trying to seamlessly segue into an actual point here, bear with.

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God bless you, hipster

The one thing the hipster has been credited with destroying is The Beard. Over the last few years we’ve witnessed a massive increase in beard wearing amongst the male population. Now you can’t move for jostling against a lumberjack or the captain of a naval ship. Thank God.

But the hipster has somewhat over egged the pudding (Brighton, you may be the hub) and now every other man and his canine companion is rocking a similar look and people don’t like that, it seems (I’m cool with it personally). I think the general feel is that being a beard wearer is not just for Christmas, and that only wearing it while it’s cool is disingenuous. Isn’t that the fatal flaw in the hipster make-up? That they’re massive big fakers with no real passion for anything; jumping from bandwagon to bandwagon?

To counteract the hipness of the hirsute male, a recent article did the rounds revealing just how much bacteria actually hides inside those bad boys (the beards, not the hipsters). I didn’t read it, because DUH. Hair is designed to collect the nasties, isn’t it?

Armpit hair, pubes, eye lashes; it’s their main function. Is it so surprising that men with big beards may also be collecting crumbs of food, spittle and germs? I share a bathroom with a bearded honey and he does this old-fashioned thing called washing: his face, his beard, his bits. It’s not hard, honestly, I’ve seen him do it.

So, no, this news is not shocking and it doesn’t put me off my one true love, and it doesn’t remotely turn me off the idea of men with big beautiful beards. I love them in all shapes and sizes and colours and styles; and it will take way more than a bit of grubbiness to convince me otherwise.

*GROUP HUG*

(EVEN YOU HIPSTERS)

*Or she, obvs, this ain’t an exclusively male thing. Beard wearing, maybe, but not hipsterism in general.

In The Summertime

Red Poppy Photos by Stacy Thiot
“Excuse me, Sir, you’ve got something on your face”

(Look, Ma, not prompt!)

How do you write a post about hot men in the Summer without objectifying them? The answer is, you can’t!

I’m not going to defend my actions per se but before anyone gets their knickers in a twist, I am not advocating cat calling fitties in the street, even if a certain type of man have been doing it to us since the dawn of time.

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Roll me over in the Clover – LOL

This post is to be the antidote to a week of quite deep ponderings. I’ve thought a lot about my family, adolescence and lots of other things besides and I’m tired. I want to think about fluff for a moment. Chin fluff, specifically.

Yes. This is another beard appreciation post, thinly veiled as a post about Summertime perving. What of it? Look, it’s my blog.

So, at lunch the girls and I go the park to soak up the rays and hula hoop. It just so happens that they are doing major road works on the trajectory we have to meander across to reach our destination. Right now it seems fit to bursting with young(ish), nut-brown from the sun, filthy men.

*Hold me*

Now, I can’t say any of them are beardy enough to fill my fantasy quota but there is just something so inherently exciting about fit, lithe men lifting heavy things in the heat. It puts me in mind of a friend that Mr Bee has who sometimes comes over to help with DIY, such as plumbing in a washing machine. There’s something primal about a man who can make and do things with his hands.

Sorry, but it’s hot. You know, purely from a fantasy point of view. Anyway, let’s just say lunch isn’t just about light exercise and gossip, knowwhatimsayin’?

Personally, I am a fan of the pretty bearded variety of hottie but you know that already. That species is everywhere in Brighton and no longer a rare sight. Call me shallow but it’s still spectacular. *Sigh*

Beards on bicycles, beards in vests, beards in the park playing ball – I just want to look at all the beards. That’s all.

So, guys and girls, what’s your favourite Summertime perk?

Also, did someone say “How about a Top Ten All Time Favourite Beards post, Christa?” On it!

Memoirs of a Pogonophile

My name is Mrs Bee and I’m a Beardoholic.tumblr_n3kimfU4xx1sqzgnao4_500

Yeah I know, right? Big wow. Every hipster and his mum is sporting glorious facial hair these days and there is no shortage of female attention buzzing around them as a result. The beard is having its moment and who knows where it will end, if indeed it ever does.

I hope it doesn’t because I get a case of the weak knees most days as I browse the fruit section in Morrisons and a rough and ready Ricki Hall-alike bumps into me whilst squawking into his phone. That chin mane has given him an edge that he probably doesn’t deserve but I can’t be mad at him. He’s seen his window and has the ability to grow a garden on his face, good luck to him I say.

So where did this sudden obsession come from? I know I have always had a weird childish theory that you can always trust a man with a beard.

Ghengis Khan, Charlie Manson and Rolf Harris (say it ain’t so!) have so far proven me wrong on that score, but my prepubescent self longed for a bearded father figure to come along and give me all the answers. Growing up without a Dad around has surely set a precedent for me, take that as you will.

I think all my life I have secretly been dealing with Daddy Issues and I don’t mean that in the sinister sense it suggests. I just mean, a few times I have made decisions (bad ones) because I have (wrongly) assumed that certain people will answer the call within. Basically, when I have needed to be looked after, or have a firm hand to guide me, I have looked to somebody older or (seemingly) wiser to help me with that – and it has turned out disastrously.

Boy, this post turned personal, didn’t it?

But that isn’t about beards really, I just wanted to illustrate that I’m a girl who wishes she had her father around but doesn’t and so I believe this is part of the reason I am attracted to men with beards.

My father had a glorious, Che Guevara-esque beard that made him look distinguished and beatnik and mysterious all at the same time. When I grew up, I was sure I wanted to be with someone as wonderful as my dad, who would be capable of making me as happy as he made my mother.

And I am. I really did luck out when Mr Bee came along because suddenly I was hit with the weirdest feeling of all, once the thunderbolt smoke had cleared: pure peacefulness. That’s the best way to describe real love if you ask me: it feels like peace.

Mr Bee is everything my dad was; gentle and interested in new things. Well read. A romantic. All the things I wanted in my life partner and more than enough to fill my heart with a long-term hope that our life will be a good one.

And full-bearded. He’s currently very full-bearded indeed!

I will say this though, in defense of men who choose not to have beards, or cannot grow them, all those “Real Men Have Beards” type memes that are flopping about the internet: so not cool. Where it’s unacceptable to disparage a thinner woman for not being ‘womanly’, this is the same thing surely? A man is a man is a man – as all women are real women.

What my childhood self didn’t understand is that the essence of man is not necessarily caught up in one aspect of his appearance. Beards are good and sexy and wild to me, but the actual man beneath doesn’t have to scream and grunt to prove his manliness. I may associate a beard with protection and love, but it’s the heart and soul beneath that will prove that.

What’s your ‘thing’?

 

Foreword

tumblr_n16xz54f6L1qic91bo1_500Hello!

Welcome to A Voluptuous Mind! Hopefully you will like what you read here and will decide to visit on a regular basis.

This page is currently a work in progress, a more ‘public’ blog that I can share with more people; an honest and creative landscape to share thoughts, fears and things that I dig.

Some of you already know me so don’t need any sort of introduction but for anybody who doesn’t, a small foreword.

I’m Mrs Bee (Bass). I live and work in Brighton and ‘work hard’, in my 98-year-old Grandfather’s eyes (“Do you work hard?”, “Yes, Gramps, you taught me to work hard”, “Jolly good”).

I love Matthew McConaughey, good grammar, strong tea, Chuck Bass, Breaking Bad, nineties music, Game of Thrones and doing absolutely nothing on the weekends if possible.

I am not a fan of Usher, people who spit in the street, people who stop directly in front of you when you are walking for no good reason, repeating myself, (I said repeating myself), bad puns, Mariah Carey, chipped nail polish or being rushed.

My biggest love beyond my family and my husband is film. There is no genre that I don’t like, but my favourite is Horror (Texas Chainsaw/Rob Zombie). I have a special place in my heart for Danny Trejo, Jason Statham and Nicolas Cage (in no particular order).

My Favourite Film of All Time toss-up is between (honestly) Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope or True Romance. My favourite novel is A Confederacy of Dunces.

And I love beards. Big beards, small beards, I just love beards.

Stick around if you want to, I’ll be here. Just kicking my feet and thinking about some of those things, and other things besides.

Welcome to my blog.