Level 41

It’s that time of the year again. Time to gaze into the navel of my birthday and give thanks to the past year. This isn’t quite as epic a milestone as last year obviously but it’s still been a pretty sweet ride. 

40 has been good to me. I’ve done a lot of cool things, including two trips, fallen in love with Margate and spent a lot of time with a lot of good people. I’ve made some great new friends, enjoyed time with old ones – I’ve had fun at work, put myself forward for a new role which didn’t work out (but I’m quite pleased about that). I’ve been creative, I’ve been lazy – I’ve spent a lot of money, faced some fears, cried some tears. It’s been a well-rounded year and I’m grateful for it. 

I love my life and even when I put myself down for being old (every single day of my life), I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m a wise woman with a wealth of life experience and better still, I’m still learning every day. I might be who I am but there’s always room to undulate and grow.

Here’s to reaching Level 41 tomorrow. I can only hope that it’s as eventful and as fun as the last. 

 

 

Level Fucking Forty 🎉🎉

Well here I am, aged 40.

I’m an adult woman finally, though it could be argued I hit that two decades ago. I’ve never felt like a grown up though – what I do feel is very loved, very sure that who I am has set now, and although I will learn more and more lessons along the way, this is pretty much who I will be until the end. Which is kind of fucking cool.

There’s not much to report since the clock struck midnight on Friday and shoved me into my forties. I don’t feel different. I don’t look different. I am not different.

I still woke up this morning and ate a cold McDonald’s apple pie and watched Netflix in my pants. I read some of my book and I checked my social media on the loo. Later I will dye my hair bright red and do a face mask.

I’m happy and lucky and secure in who I am. I have beautiful friends, great family and cool work mates. I’m an excellent speller and I can write a decent sentence. I wear black kohl around my eyes the same way I did when I was eighteen. I’m heavily tattooed now and that ink is half the reason I love my body more than I ever have.

I’m overweight and happy. I have anxiety and depression. I miss my dad every day and wish he was here. I had the best childhood. I married my best friend and get a kick out of belonging to him, just not in the ownership sense. He feels like home, is home.

I love the people I surround myself with. Can’t believe sometimes that these talented and interesting people want to spend time with me, although I would choose myself as a friend. I know I’m cool by not being cool at all.

I own art now, my very own piece of perfection by my favourite artist, and in March I’m going to visit my favourite city with my favourite person, courtesy of my family. It’s the city I want to retire to. Maybe I won’t come back. I heard a friend of a friend recently visited Amsterdam and didn’t come back, maybe I won’t either.

I think about how small the world is all the time, and how big. How everything I do is a choice – and I choose this life because it’s good. Every time I beat myself about not owning my own home or having loads of savings or a great career, I remember a line from a short film I once saw about a drag queen who passed away. “I want to live a fulfilling life” (what a beautiful sentiment) – and I know I have too. I will.

I’m brave and scared all the time – I could push myself harder – and maybe I will now I’m here. Maybe I won’t but what I will do is aim for the fulfilling life. When you take everything into consideration, that really is all that matters.

How are you?

Ps. I’m going to celebrate the last few days of November with my 40 favourite things, so watch this space!

#thisis40

Hey Shorty, It’s Your Birthday

I’ve done this before on other significant birthdays (like The Queen, I have two: one for birth, and one for my blog*) and I wanted to mark today in a similar way, just for the sheer heck of it.

Yes, it’s my 38th birthday. Or my eleventh time turning 27, depending on my mood.

I wanted to use this post to shout out some major appreciation to a couple of fellow bloggers and important people in my life.

I shall do this via the medium of a fantasy dinner party. Oh yeah.

So, the guest list (which has evolved a little since my last virtual party), a mix of both IRL peeps and fantasy attendees:

Tom Hanks – Sorry, but Tom is always invited. No reason needed. In fact, he has his own front door key…

Justin Bieber – Because I’m a Belieber now and IDGAF, K?

Jillian – Not a celeb maybe but one of my greatest influences. Blog Wife, Movie Partner and fellow cat botherer (though I don’t have one at the moment). You’re the best, boo, I love you sooooo much! You can sit next to anyone you like as long as I’m on the other side…

Ilana Glazer – She’s just brilliant, you know? I’d want her to style me half way through dinner though, so we might disappear for a bit.

Hayley Margaret of A Stitch To Scratch – Or HM, as I’ve come to address her, because I’m linguistically lazy. This girl is so sweet and talented, plus just completely up my street, so she’s in. (I ❤ you, HM)

Gaga – I’m currently rocking a rather large Gaga crush so obviously that gets her an invite. I’ll just giggle whenever she speaks to me and make a fool of myself, it’s cool.

My favourite, Tatty Frankland – I honestly don’t know if I’d be able to do what I do without this peach. We sometimes have shitty, stressful days because of our shared environment, but this girl is my sunshine. Nobody is more stylish, generous or cool, tbh. (Love you, bb!).

And, I’ve just realised that there are only two men at my party. I’m cool with that but I’ve decided I’m also inviting Aziz Ansari because he’s cute and I loved Master of None. That balances things out a bit, not that it matters.

I don’t know if any of my honeys have any dietary requirements but I’m proposing a lot of food; yorkshire puddings, Indian with all the trimmings, cake and masses of sweets. Good burgers, too. Oh, and pancakes, of every conceivable shape and flavour.

Can I get a pancake bar? You know what, it’s my birthday, so the answer to that is yes.

We’ll drink mulled cider and rum, and we’ll dance to two albums on repeat: Carly Rae Jepsen’s E·mo·tion and Bieber’s Purpose (the Real Bieber will refuse to perform while he’s off-duty).

Later, when it’s time to cry in the kitchen, we’ll put on Adele’s 25 and ruminate on lost loves and all the times we’ve fucked up our liquid liner.

Basically, this will be the greatest Birthday Party of my life. My husband will obviously be there too, but he’ll no doubt excuse himself and pass out on our bed by 10pm, as usual.

This is more than just a party for me though, it’s a party for those bloggers mentioned. A Thank You For Brightening My Day, Every Day Party.  A Thank You For Inspiring Me Soirée.

Thanks for being such funny fuckers, such sweethearts and such empowering friends. I hope you know what you mean to me.

What? I’ve got something in my eye…

*Does The Queen have a blog? I would read the shit out of it.

37 is Magic

Today I cracked out a quote by Noel Coward, not knowing it was by Noel Coward, that almost got me into trouble. About a very cute (but young) new staff member: “Have him washed and sent to my room!”.

Apparently, the actual quote is: “Have him shaved, oiled and brought to my tent.” So there is that.

Today is my birthday and I have been very spoilt. I feel loved and cared for, and although I feel that way a lot because I am a lucky so and so, it’s nice to be reminded of it on your special day.

I am typing this with an inflatable golden crown upon my head. I have had cake for breakfast and a few people have proclaimed me too youthful looking to be 37. Alas, I am 37 but if this is what being that old means, I’ll take it.

I am young and old at the same time, standing on the right side of a life of experience, ready to wade into the next. I am loved and I love, the two most important things in life. For a little while I wondered if this would ever be possible but now I know, all those times I despaired of myself and of my situation, they were only markers by which to measure the rest of my life. The good times, the challenging and the peaceful.

I am happier now than I have ever been. Even Idris Elba wrapped in a silky bow couldn’t lead me away from the life I have (but I’d like him to try).

My desk is covered in pink glitter. It’s everywhere. On my face, on my keyboard keys, my phone; and all over my life, a modern twist on a Winter landscape.

Magic.

Cue the Violins

If your life were a movie, what would its soundtrack be like? What songs, instrumental pieces, and other sound effects would be featured on the official soundtrack album? Via The Daily Post (21st November 2014)

If my life had a soundtrack, I hope it would be make me feel exactly like Pitch Perfect‘s does. You know, good.

I’m all about feeling good and being stirred. I love an anthem. I like to listen to songs that make me imagine myself in certain scenarios. A dance off in the aisle of the night bus with twenty strangers, for example.

Showing an old (and beautiful) ex-boyfriend how amazing life has been without him. The high school reunion I couldn’t bear to attend in real life. Am the only person who does this?

Don’t expect anything too high brow from the Soundtrack of my Life. You would get some Shaggy, ‘Superfreak‘ by Rick James, a bit of Prince (because who can stay still when Prince is up?). You’d get Alanis Morissette because ‘Jagged Little Pill‘ was amazing.

You’d get the very best of The Cure, epecially ‘Close to You‘. Depeche Mode’s ‘Strange Love (Blind Mix)‘ would swing by and hold hands with The Smiths.

‘There is a Light That Never Goes Out‘ is my favourite and would therefore play whenever I gazed upon my true love. ‘Milkshake‘ would be my personal theme tune whenever I entered the frame. Or maybe I would prefer ‘Edge of Seventeen‘?

A bit of ‘Faith‘. A lot of Spice Girls. ‘Express Yourself‘ by Madonna. ‘What It Feels Like For a Girl‘ too.

How is it even possible to choose what 12 songs? My life would have to be a trilogy, at least, just to fit it all in.

What about you?

In other news, it’s the weekend before my birthday and I’m heading back ‘home’ tonight. It’ll be very family heavy and that’s exactly what I want and need this year.

Call me a sentimental old fool if you like, but I want good company and quality time rather than drunken debauchery or, more likely, self-loathing because I’m no longer young.

Happy Friday all!