Horror F(r)iends

I might not have made it clear enough on this blog: I live for the movies. All movies really but mainly horror. Good horror, bad horror, cheap horror – most of it has a place in this old heart of mine. My absolute favourites of all time include Candyman and Hellraiser – with a whole lot of variety in between – and what better month than this to revisit the classics and discover new and exciting horror gems?

This post isn’t strictly about those movies though (we’ll do a 31 Horrors recap at the end of the month), it’s about the like-minded friends who love the same movies I do (specifically horror). People like this, the ones who really really get you are like gold dust I swear and this post is for them.

Of course anyone who reads this blog will be familiar with my blog wife Jillian already. We originally bonded over our love of odd movies and are now three years deep into our Great Blog Collab. Our specialty, and favourite month just happens to be Halloween so you could say we’re on the same page when it comes to horror films (and shark movies but they get their own month). In fact, Ginger Snaps is the first film we ever reviewed together, FACT FANS. We also appreciate women on murderous rampages, Film Noir and women who look good smoking.

Katharine Isabelle, werewolves AND smoking? The holy horror trinity (read my review here)

Jill and I have had some real hits and misses over the years but most times seem to more or less agree on the ratings. Sometimes the films we pick are too good and that can be a problem when our original MO is to snark the hell out of the things we watch – but you can’t win them all. I’m so thankful for Jill, one of the best things to come out of blogging for me – a gorgeous friend online and IRL now too.

James, my podcast partner also deserves a shout out for sitting through some of the dreck I’ve made him watch over the years in the name of content. Cat Sick Blues, anyone? (I do NOT recommend). We’ve also explored a lot of anti-horror together. To name but a few: Felt, The Sacrament, Magic Magic, Spring and Digging Up the Marrow – all of which could be categorised outside the genre comfortably but are definitely shining examples of horror done well.

Honestly, the podcast has brought me so much joy and being able to just waffle on about films until the cows come home is the best thing ever. There’s a limit to how much people want to talk to me about these things so to find a like-minded partner is priceless, honestly. I hope we never stop. Even if James doesn’t rate The Exorcist III.

Felt (2014)

And last but by no means least my lovely friend Matt who unwittingly inspired today’s post. Matt is the most knowledgeable horror fiend I know and even though we’ve only known each other for a year, I feel like he’s my horror twin. This morning we compared notes via messenger on what we’ve watched this month already and those are the conversations I live for.

We’re even planning a really cool project off the back of our interests and it is going to be so ace I can’t even tell you. I’ll share more when we’ve actually got off our bottoms and made solid plans. This week we’re just treading water until Halloween (2018) is released.

Hai bae ❤

I can’t not shout out my husband as well, who puts up with all my shit and still seems to like me. Who hasn’t wavered (yet) when I’ve forced him to get involved in my 31 Horrors challenge. Who suggested The Company of Wolves for tonight’s viewing – and who’s just super-cute most of the time. How lucky am I?

So today I am feeling extra blessed to have these people in my life so we can share our common interests like the beasts that we are.

Thanks for being as horrible as I am deep down 🎃👻🔪

Selfie from Hell (Film) Review

We start September with a new horror currently featured on Netflix. It tackles one of the most prolific afflictions (?) of our generation (as I type that I realise that we’re not actually talking about MY generation but the one beneath it, maybe even further down that that. God, I’m ancient).

*Spoilers*

Selfie from Hell (2018)

IMDB Synopsis

After her cousin comes to visit and falls ill, a woman starts to receive strange cell phone messages.

My Review

We all know that selfies are bad and anyone who partakes might as well be murdered horribly as punishment, right? I think we can all agree. Obviously that isn’t the message here and I jest but one of my pet peeves is people who hate on social media even though its all part of evolution and the world we live in – and is generally a positive thing, sue me.

Anyway, this film doesn’t really do anything by way of a message which might be where it falls down. Perhaps if it had been making a comment on social media on the whole it would have been stronger but the result is all just very… so?

Hannah (Alyson Walker) is a good girl because she’s clean and pretty and conscientious. When her cousin Julia (Meelah Adams) comes to stay it is immediately apparent that something is majorly off about her. She looks dog rough for a start and this isn’t being mean, it’s the truth – the girl is clearly not well.

On arriving at Hannah’s, she soon falls into a stupor which leads her cousin on a dubious mission to find out just what the fuck is actually going on.

I might be a little hazy on the order of the day here as I was distracted (by social media, go figure) but Julia is from Germany and has traveled to the US to visit her cousin, Hannah. Back in her home country, Julia is a vlogger (popular enough to have a couple of conspiracy theories about her posted on the web but she’s no Zoella).

Before we even meet Hannah I believe there’s a spooky selfie taking sequence that reveals a nasty surprise for Julia – whenever she snaps a cheeky duck face, it is revealed that she is not alone. Fuck that, honestly – that would probably be the only way to deter me from taking pictures of my own beautiful face.

“Please stop sending me Farmville requests. PLEASE!”

Back in the US with Julia in a catatonic fug, Hannah is desperately worried and determined to figure shit out. She first of all starts digging around Julia’s laptop which clues her in on some of her cousin’s recent vlogs. Or one, namely Selfies from Hell, Part 1. But where is part 2…? Ooooh.

Watching Part 1 doesn’t answer any of the questions Hannah has so she does what any sensible heroine would, she googles how to access The Dark Web. Is it that easy honestly? She also recruits her cyber/Skype love interest Trevor (Tony Giroux) who is a dab hand with a hard drive (pnar) who gives her just one piece of advice: don’t give out any personal information on The Dark Web. So she doesn’t and everything works out just fine. SYKE.

Obviously she gives out her personal email address within 17 seconds of speaking to someone – Trevor’s big plan is to go onto TDW and ask anyone if they know anything about these mysterious 13 selfies Julia’s been banging on about (apparently it’s a video which is kind of confusing and not what a selfie is but NVM. If you watch all 13 selfies then you’re basically in BIG TROUBLE).

At least something was

Hannah gives her deets to user F34R3473R (fuck typing that more than once), gets sent first a nasty message, then receives several pervy phone calls. Who knew? During her Nancy Drew investigations, Hannah also uncovers multiple articles surrounding Julia’s mysterious death – but hang on a minute, she’s asleep upstairs in the spare room, non?

From here we loose grip on the narrative as Hannah finds herself in a sticky situation with the pervert stalking her, Trevor watches the 13 selfies (duh) and the evil entity reveals him/itself. I can’t really remember what happens at the end except to say there’s no happy ending for anybody concerned.

One interesting thing about Selfie from Hell is that main actress Meelah Adams produced a short by the same name (which then became this film) as part of her bachelor thesis on the effects of viral videos. I want to like it more for that reason alone. Unfortunately, it’s not very good beyond the deeply relateable premise.

It isn’t horrible, apart from not making the most sense, it’s just instantly forgettable. And let’s face it, there can’t be a more interesting playground to explore that The Dark Web so how is it so boring? I mean, apparently you can buy a raccoon on there – what’s not to love?

Performances aren’t great, the production values are not great and it isn’t that scary – however, the selfie scenes are creepy, I’ll give them that.

“Keep searching, it’s a raccoon or nothing…”

My Rating

2/5.

What does my girl think of this one? Would she add it to her Instagram story or delete that shit forever? Find out here.

Every* Theatre in Brighton, Ranked

*Yes, every. This isn’t North America, we have four.

This post is obviously inspired by my original and best cinema buddy, Meghan Lightle and her favourite theatres in the Greater Toronto Area.

4. Cineworld, Brighton Marina

I can’t remember the last time I visited this one, or what I saw but that’s more to do with proximity to home than anything else.

A major perk of this location is the McDonald’s across the way. Although I’m sure this cinema is perfectly adequate, I only really included it on this list because it’s a theatre in Brighton.

3. Odeon, Brighton

This place is my third home and right next door to new work. I only rate it this low on the list because, apart from the fact I hold a Limitless Card and the staff are cool, it is after all just your standard multiplex. Other people tend to ruin my viewing experience more often than not so seeing films you really want to at peak times here is a bad scene, man. Sunday mornings are usually a joy, unless you accidentally go to the wrong theatre and have to sit through Sing.

The Odeon does have an in-house Costa though and the pièce de résistance: a Ben & Jerry’s counter. Yes, for £36 you too can purchase 4 scoops that have melted into your hands by the time you get to your seat. The loos are the pits.

2. Duke of York’s, Brighton

Some of my happiest viewing memories have occurred here, my favourite building in B Town (Grade II listed, baby and the oldest cinema in continuous use in Britain, according to Wiki). I sort of wish we’d got married here now.

DoY tends to show more cult-y stuff and sometimes late at night too. Over the years I’ve caught both Pink Flamingos and Multiple Maniacs at midnight showings. The seats aren’t as comfortable as the Odeon Prems (e.g. not built for a more ample behind) but you get a good crowd and I generally love their film menu.

The bar is fine but there aren’t that many options cuisine-wise which is a biggie for me. Still, I never have a bad time here and I’m happy to spend real money on the experience.

1. Duke’s @ Komedia, Brighton

Brighton’s second Picture House cinema and our newest. This is my current fave for several reasons:

a) It shows a decent mix of one-off gems and mainstream films
b) It does the best fucking gourmet hot dogs for a fiver
c) There’s a Down Terrace poster on the wall that always reminds me how much I love that movie
d) It has motherfucking sofas! Cinema seat sofas!

Plus, it’s in the North Laines which makes it easy to get to and from after work. The bar is a decent place to hang regardless of whether you’re seeing a film, though last time I was there I walked into the middle of a networking event for actors which was an experience to say the least.

Fin.

Self Promotion, Yo

Good morning!

This might not be the official home of All Out of Bubblegum, however, it is my blog and I’ll self-promote if I want to.

I’m so stoked to share the first ever episode – the smancy sounding “Pilot” – below.

Sure, we have a ways to go in terms of some of the technical side of things. We have to rein ourselves in and stop going out quite so far on the tangents. I must at least write down the name of directors, who are not ‘That Guy that did That Thing”. And the fidgeting! The tapping of the mugs and the pens must cease.

But beyond that, I couldn’t be prouder. I’m certain James feels the same way.

We’re currently working on our branding, on our website and some of the small things we’d like to change so expect to see some changes coming up shortly! Until then – enjoy ❤

And a very happy weekend to you all! ❤

Exciting Things!

I’ve not been feeling myself for a while now.

I mean, everything’s good. Better than good in fact. I have my health, I have an income, and I’m young (ish) and in love. What more does a girl need really, besides her family and loved ones around?

Things to look forward to, is what!

I’ve been wracking my brains about what my next creative ‘thing’ could be, that one activity I’m so passionate about that it will jog me out of this malaise and into some sort of action. Something worth buying and starting a new notebook for, basically.

(You might be like, what? So is your blog not enough for you? It is. I love my blog, I love reviewing films and talking about loving oneself. I guess what I really want is more of what I love, you get me?).

So there I was thinking, how do I get the spark reignited? Do I bite the bullet and run away to New York where I’ll most likely meet a rag-tag bunch of street artists who will adopt me as a sort of den mother, keeping me around because I make awesome tea and stroke their heads when they’re feeling lost and anxious? (Rent basically, with hopefully less smack).

I say it’s because of the tea but one day my true talent will, of course, be revealed to my new ‘family’ and then I’ll truly be one of them, the beating heart some might say. What that talent is going to be is so far undecided, I’m thinking singing or acting but it more probable being very good at making Plasticine models, organising drawers or listening.

Anyway, as I sat there considering packing a bag and burning a hole in my credit card, something cool virtually dropped into my lap!

Radio Goo Goo

I’m currently in the pre-production stages of making a podcast with my friend James, who asked me to collaborate on a series with him. How cool is that? You might remember my brief foray into podcasting last year in which funnily enough I lamented not having a partner-in-crime and how much I wanted one and now, I’ve got a great one!

We’ve been peripheral friends for years, since we met at a company BBQ where he worked with my husband. James, it’s worth noting (and maybe why I like him so much) was the first of Glynn’s colleagues to remember my name (it seems unbelievably hard to most people) and I really appreciated that. We’ve a few mutual friends in common beyond that and usually bump into each other either in the street or at the newishly established Brighton Comic Con. So I’m also looking forward to getting to know my friend better, we have a lot of similar opinions and tastes which is always fun.

Our podcast hasn’t got a name yet but I think we both have complementary ideas of what we want. It will mostly be film, TV and popular culture based, basically we’ll talk to each other as we do naturally about the films we love which won’t really be blockbuster films, although I will cover the DC universe from a Wonder Woman/Justice League perspective (because WW is my JAM).

We’ll talk about shows like Stranger Things (2016) and films like The Invitation (2015), The Wolfpack (2015) (which I’m forever mentioning on here). Even (arguably) the worst film of all time The Room (2003) will get a shout out I’m sure (it was my recent homework assignment and needless to say, there’s a lot to love).

All in all our first episode is shaping up to be a good one and I promise it will not only sound better than my solo attempts (James has the technical kit and the know-how to record it properly), I will also be less dithery because I now have someone to bounce off. I’m really excited about this and honestly, you never know where it might lead. Radio show anyone?

I will share a lot here, so if you’re interested please do keep up with us. In the future when we’re more established and confident, I think we’ll be having guests on, could that be you?

I’m also secretly (not anymore) holding out for Ben Wheatley to stumble across us and want to be interviewed, as he lives in Brighton and we’ll probably cover his films. (ILY Ben!).

I’m still going to New York though. One day.

What are you most looking forward to in the last half of 2016?

And also, any podcast name suggestions will be gratefully received as I’m kind of stumped! Pop your thoughts on a postcard ❤

Please note: This project will compliment Jillian & Christa’s Great Blog Collab, never hinder it. If you were wondering.

Guest Post: Depression Is Fun and Other Lessons from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Ah Jillian. My beloved work wife and bad movie partner in crime, let me count the ways. We’ve been collaborating on our film reviews for nearly two years now, talk regularly about our mutual anxieties in all aspects of life and were lucky enough to meet in the flesh this May, which was epic.

I can’t remember my life without Jill in it and honestly, this has been the best thing about blogging for me, making real friends within the blogging community. You can keep your endorsements, your free swag, your one million comments, likes and shares – none of that is as important as genuine connection. And my wife is as genuine as they come.

So enjoy Jill’s post. You can find her on her brilliant blog The Pink Panther Snipes Again where she blogs regularly about B-movies, books, life and Bertha Mason, Warrior Queen of all the Cats.

Christa asked me to participate in her blog series focusing on inspiration and empowerment amidst all of the shit that has been this year.  I was both honored and terrified to contribute because (a) I don’t radiate positivity on my best day and (b) I’d been feeling the lowest I have in a long time (which realistically is probably a month) for nearly a solid week and I had trouble even getting through the weekend.

It’s well established that I can’t talk about anything topical without losing my shit.  (The first draft I put together reached a level of angst I haven’t achieved since my teenage journaling days.)  Other years have been a challenge too, but this year feels especially like a sucker punch to the gut.  I’m really tired of hearing about how the world is heading to hell in a handbasket when you know, the same thing was said about women riding a fucking bicycle.  (Thanks, Kate Beaton.)

That being said, I’ve still been staying up late to follow the Republican National Convention, which only succeeds in aggravating me right before bedtime.  I KNOW it’s bad for me, and I follow politics way more than I intend to because I care about social justice.  I honestly don’t know how you can be a librarian if you don’t since it’s essentially about helping people find information and learn things for themselves with no financial incentive whatsoever.

But so I don’t lose my goddamn mind (further), let’s talk about a familiar topic that is a mere stone’s throw away from the bad movie blog:  TV.  My latest binge-watch is Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, which is a relatively short binge as it’s only 18 episodes so far.  Despite what you might conclude from the show’s title and truly terrible promos, it’s an incredibly funny, subversive, musical dark comedy.

The show follows Rebecca Bunch, a career-driven New York lawyer about to get everything she’s always wanted and become partner at her law firm.  Or so she believes.  She receives a wake-up call in the form of a butter commercial and a chance meeting with Josh, her ex-boyfriend from summer camp 10 years prior.  Realizing she’s miserably unhappy, Rebecca impulsively moves to Josh’s hometown, West Covina (an LA suburb).

Stay with me because I KNOW the premise sounds cringe worthy, cliché, and anti-feminist.  But like so many current TV shows, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend takes a familiar premise and twists it into a self-aware, satirical social commentary.  And refreshingly, Rebecca carries a great deal of emotional baggage without being dismissed as crazy (except, you know, in the show’s name).

I can’t quite put my finger on what it is that I love so much about this show, but the characterizations of its main and supporting characters are certainly a huge part of it.  Honestly, Rebecca is the character I’ve related to most since Liz Lemon (well, also sarcastic supporting character Heather).  Don’t get me wrong—I’m not sure either of these characters are great to emulate, but they feel real to me in a way that so many female characters don’t.

Rebecca is one of the few characters I can think of who has anxiety and depression that isn’t used solely for comedic effect.  We see her processing her problems logically but ultimately choosing the most self-destructive path possible.  She worries about not really having any friends, being a bad feminist, and not being able to convince everyone that she’s doing fine.  Among other things, there are songs about Rebecca’s depression, self-loathing, and being a good person (or not)–all of which get stuck in my head for days.  Whenever I’m watching, I constantly swing between laughter and the terrible suspicion that someone has stolen my memories and made them into a TV show.

It’s nice to see a character trying and often failing to stop lying to herself and allow herself to feel what she feels.  Sometimes the only thing you’ll be able to do is sit on the couch all day and fail to motivate yourself to go outside.  Not that I speak from experience…

Which is, of course, a blatant lie.  My experiences with depression are a major part of this show’s appeal to me.  Reading was my escape for a really long time, and I fell apart a little when it stopped working for me.  There are still days when I pick up a book that I’m desperate to finish only to put it down a few paragraphs later when all I can think about is how badly I fucked up that one conversation from weeks ago or why I haven’t done more with my life.

I  wish reading were still my escape because it was for years and years, but I’m working on giving myself a break for my needs and interests changing and simply giving myself time and space to be nice to myself.  True, reading is a more intellectual pursuit than watching TV or terrible shark movies, but sometimes my brain just needs a fucking break.

This is also a reason I fail to understand the drive for constant self-improvement.  I appreciate that goals help push people to achieve their dreams and look back in satisfaction on their accomplishments, but sometimes a goal feels like the opportunity to break another promise to myself and to fail (again).  There are days when I just need to survive.  As TV is currently proving, it can be something really stupid that gets you through it.  And when I say “through it,” I mean temporarily because there’s nothing that will ever drive the bad thoughts away entirely.  And I’d be an intolerably peppy person if I never had any dark thoughts whatsoever.

I don’t like to give advice because it’s a really bad idea to follow in my footsteps, but these are the things I try to remind myself.  It’s ok to not feel strong, but you are, especially when you know you need help and support.  It’s ok to reach out to people and tell them you’re feeling shitty.  It’s also ok to have your own personal feeling space where no one is allowed to enter.  It’s ok to be fucking sad.  It’s so ok to do nothing except breathe and remind yourself to keep on breathing.  And journal, you guys.  I can’t say enough for journaling.

Of course I want to feel happy and I want you to be happy, but I think it’s more important to find the strength to accept what you feel.  Even when you’d prefer to gloss over it or repress the shit out of it (I’ve been there so hard).

This self-care reminder is something I look at A LOT and probably one of the best things to come out of Tumblr:

http://eponis.tumblr.com/post/113798088670/everything-is-awful-and-im-not-okay-questions-to

Finally, NEVER get rid of your old iTunes playlists because Eva Cassidy, Missy Higgins, and Brandi Carlile got me through last week.

On that note, I’ll leave you with one of my favorite sad songs, “Penny to My Name” by Eva Cassidy. ❤

All images via Unsplash

What I’m Listening To: Podcasts

I am a very easily influenced person. This means that I am constantly being inspired by other people on books, films and things to listen to (as well as make-up, fashion, anything).

About a year or so ago I feel in love with Serial and it started me on my podcast journey, which has been nothing short of joyful tbh. Most of what I listen to has a true crime vibe because that’s what I dig and there’s nowt more queer than folk, etc but I also love film based content (such as the mighty Kermode and Mayo’s Film Review which I’ve definitely mentioned before).

Once I’d rinsed Serial, I was left adrift until I started to listen to the wise words of Twitter (my favourite space on the internet, yo). So many recommendations come from there and now I have a cornucopia of choice.

This is what I’ve been listening to recently:

TW: I highly recommend all these podcasts, however some contain triggering events and language that should be approached with caution.

Criminal

There are 42 episodes in this podcast so far and each one is a real gem. Even the ones which have slightly less dramatic subject matter are compelling. Each story is about a crime and these range from the absolutely fantastical to plain bizarre.

I’m working backwards (after finding it easier to listen on Soundcloud) and am currently on episode 23. My favourite stories so far have been Angie, The Stay and P.D.I.D (which made me furious). Special mention to the bonkers Animal Instincts and Dropping Like Flies – honestly, you’ll learn things you’re never even imagined here.

Criminal was co-created by Lauren Spohrer, Phoebe Judge and Eric Mennel, and launched in January 2014 – and I have to say I really like Phoebe’s approach to the weird and wonderful people she speaks to.

I recommend this series if you’re new to crime podcasts because the shorter episodes are very easy to digest but I warn you: they’re crazy addictive.

Sword and Scale

Sword and Scale is similar to Criminal in the sense that it covers true crime stories but the episodes are longer and seem much heavier for that. Maybe it’s just me.

I’m new to this one but have so far enjoyed (if that’s the word) some astonishing tales, including Episodes 63 & 64, which tell the horrifying story of Doctor Macneill, a handsome and charming man with a dark heart and Episodes 5 & 6 which outline a conspiracy so heinous your head might explode (I’m still thinking about it).

Special thanks to Bethany for talking about this podcast (also Criminal) and then mentioning the latter episodes. I Twitter-dropped and followed your recommendation.

Serial (Season 2)

Serial Season 1 told us the story of Adnan Syed, a high school senior accused of (and imprisoned for) killing his ex-girlfriend, Hae Min Lee. It was fascinating and addictive and my first regular foray into this medium.

When I found out there was a second season I was stoked but it’s a separate and very different story this time around. This time we study Sargent Bowe Bergdahl, a US Army soldier who was captured and then held prisoner by the Taliban.

Now, as with the first season it has to be said that the story isn’t clear-cut and things as they say may not be what they seem. I’m only a few episodes in but am thoroughly enjoying it so far.

Who knows what my final opinion on Bergdahl will be, or whether we’ll ever know the truth about what really happened the day he was captured? It doesn’t really matter though, this is his story and it’s addictive.

How Did This Get Made?

Bar our friendship, I think HDTGM is the greatest gift Meghan of That’s Lightletainment has ever given me. It’s brilliant and right up my street.

Paul Scheer, June Diane Raphael and Jason Mantzoukas (all actors themselves) love bad movies and talk about them passionately with special guests on the regs. I absolutely love June (from Burning Love mostly) but the trio together make horrible films, such as Glitter, The Wicker Man (remake) and Crank 2: High Voltage three times more hilarious and enjoyable.

My favourites so far have been: Rhinestone (a film starring Dolly and Sly Stallone, what more do you need?), Barb Wire and Catwoman. Very special mention to one of my all-time favourite bad movies, I Know Who Killed Me (honestly, ask me how much I love it). Oh god, and check out the episode on Deep Blue Sea which is epic.

The best thing about this podcast is that there are so many episodes I still have to watch. Honestly, there’s not enough time in the day for podcast listening.

Read more about Meghan’s podcast recommendations here.

So that’s what gets me through my working day. I’ve not been organised enough to get these on my iPod/phone yet but I know when I do I will look at walking/working out in a whole new light.

Are you a podcast listener? What do you recommend? Go! ❤

Holiday Fuck Yeah!

If anybody needs me next week, I will mostly be doing these things:

• 

  Just hanging with my mates on my time off

  First and foremost, I will be sleeping in. Or if not sleeping in late then at least turning off the alarm and waking up naturally. Which will no doubt mean I’ll be eating cereal in front of Netflix by 8 but with the option to go back to bed whenever the fuck I feel like it – which is kind of the same thing?

• Updating my CV. I say this but I feel like it’s not a task I want to be doing in my free time, you know? I feel like I should at least be dipping my toe in the job market, seeing what else is out there. That said, I am seriously looking into night classes in web coding because I’m confident I’d be pretty good at that shit, and have been doing quite a lot of web based projects lately – so I’ll be considering my options while I have some time off.

• Graffiti hunting. As if I’d spend my down time doing anything else. Graffitibridgeblog.com needs some attention and some of Brighton’s best artists are going to be down at the Brighton i360 this Sunday, covering 100 metres of hoarding around the building site – obvs I want to see what they come up with for myself.

• Deciding if I love Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, or not so much. Because obviously I do but do I? (One of life’s big questions).

• Thinking about joining the gym. Wait, what? You read that right. I just want to get strong and feel powerful, not out of breath after walking up two flights of stairs – notice how I didn’t say “lose weight”? I’m not doing that to myself anymore. I’ll exercise to feel hench, end of.

• Not wearing clothes. Naked is always best. Maybe not for my neighbour whose front door looks directly into our kitchen (You’re welcome neighbour).

• Catching up on my shows. Pretty Little Liars mostly, the aforementioned Wet Hot American Summer FDOC and The Great British Bake Off, just so I can get in on the chatter with my colleagues when I get back.

• Getting my Marvel on. I thought I was done with the Marvel universe, then I figured I’m just All Avenger-ed Out. Ant-Man and Fantastic Four have turned my head. Paul Rudd in leather? In. Miles Teller in anything? Donesies. Premier seats in the back row with my bae = Heaven.

• Reading. Lots and lots of reading. This is what I’ve got on the go now, and what’s next:

The First Bad Man by Miranda July
Triptych by Karin Slaughter
Carol by Patricia Highsmith
I Am Pilgrim by Terry Hayes (Currently reading)
Church of Marvels by Leslie Parry

(Unicorn notebook from Paperchase – for ideas, innit.)

• I will, of course, also be blogging! By the end of my time off, I will have reviewed 2 films with Jillian. We took a week’ hiatus last week due to our pesky internet outage, but it’s now back in full effect and now so am I. Next up: Wetlands. Any film that uses the tagline “The most WTF, NSFW movie at this year’s Sundance Film Festival” has got my attention, TBH.

Have a good week, all. I know I will! *Takes off bra*

50 Shades of Grey (Film) Review

I’ve thought long and hard (giggle) about this review for some reason and I don’t really know why. I think it’s because reviews of crappy films often annoy me.

I mean, the rule doesn’t necessarily apply here in exactly the same way but with a film such as The Expendables, for instance, there is always so much huff and puff about how it’s light on plot/the dialogue is shit/acting not up to much and I think, well duh but it’s fun, isn’t it? Is this not why we are here? (In style of Maximus Decimus Crowe).

With this in mind, I’m not going to tear this film a new one just because it’s inspired by a very badly written trilogy of books, about a frankly iffy relationship. I had a lot of fun with my movie date and passed through a range of emotions during the viewing, including: embarrassment, mirth, bemusement, rage and indifference.

50 Shade of Grey (2015)

I didn’t like the books but I read them anyway, so I had a point of reference when people talked about them. Wanting to be part of it is why I went to see the film, and because I wanted to see how it’s director, Sam Taylor-Johnson had adapted it, even with the input of E.L. James.

“Ermahgerd you’re, like, so hot Mr Grey, ermahgerd!”

Let’s quickly do the negatives: This film is by no stretch the worst I’ve ever seen but it does have a TV Movie vibe about it. The acting is okay, borderline wooden at times. I think Dakota Johnson is quite likeable, despite being a bit of a caricature of ‘sexy’ with her breathy voice and big eyes. Jamie Dornan really doesn’t do it for me and I just don’t think there’s anything stand out about his performance, though they both do what they can with what they’ve got.

The dialogue is terrible, mainly because James is a truly horrible writer and it seems as though Taylor-Johnson lost the battle to refine it. At least we’re spared the whole ‘inner goddess’ schtick though, which is a massive Pro and should go on the positives list.

The sex scenes are a lot saucier than I expected, which probably sounds like a ridonkulous thing to say about a film about BDSM but I know what I mean. I was reassured by the fact that it was actually quite sexual, I thought it would be pseudo-sexy but somehow decidedly innocent. They actually do fuck, which is nice.

Things & Inc

An update post if you will, as boy do we have a lot going right now.

What, it’s Christmas and everybody is buzzing around like bees on ecstasy? You’re right, my bad. How’re you coping?

Here are a few of the things I am thinking about right now.

• Lena Dunham

I’m finally on Not That Kind of Girl and haven’t even passed the Introduction yet. But I’m looking forward to it.

Sadly, the book already has a reputation that proceeds it, given the uproar it has caused over the last few months. People are forming new Dunham shaped opinions all over the shop due to some of the subject matter (and how it has been sculpted by Lena’s choice of language), but I am remaining on the fence until I have a context to relate it to.

I love her style and I can’t see that changing any time soon, but she might allude to stabbing puppies in the final segment, so you never know.

• Christmas Shopping

I’m done! Did it all in one sitting with the help of the trusty internet. The lovely, lovely internet.

*SMUG FACE*

• Christmas Movies That Retell A Christmas Carol (And/Or Feature an Alternative Universe) From the Perspective of a High Flying Business Woman (Always American) Who Has Lost Sight of What Is Important 

See Christmas Cupid (TV Movie 2010), Holidaze (TV Movie 2013) and, from this afternoon, It’s Christmas, Carol! (TV Movie 2012).

All, you might have noticed, straight to television masterpieces. And yes, I do love them more than Coco Pops. Amusing because, of course, no woman can climb the career ladder without transforming into a total bitch of epic proportions!

(If any of you know of any more films of this ilk, please let me know).

• Ed Sheeran’s Thinking Out Loud

I am obsessed.

• Family

This week hasn’t been easy and some new news has made it even more difficult and emotional (which I’m not going to go into) but I have been reminded that I have a fucking wonderful family who are strong and incredible people, come rain or shine.

It’s easier to deal with the shit stuff when you have an army of rock stars on your side, that’s for sure.

• Jake Gyllenhaal

We recently watched Nightcrawler and I really enjoyed it. Following the last of Jake’s films I absolutely loved, Enemy and Prisoners, he’s now pretty much my favourite. Such a talented (and fit) actor.

Nightcrawler follows creepy Louis Bloom into LA’s underground as he becomes interested, and then really quite good at, the business of crime journalism.

• Ready Player One (the Movie)

OMG this book is fantastic and so completely up my alleyway, that I #canteven! But if I could, I would tell you that the fact that Christopher Nolan has been offered the film version of it is knicker-wettingly exciting and I squeaked a little when I heard.

Cannot wait.

(Even though the scriptwriter has admitted to have taken ‘liberties’ with the original source material, so you know, boo to that).

So, that’s me. I hope you’re all doing well and enjoying the lead up to Christmas. I’m not feeling that merry yet, I have to say but that has to be because I haven’t seen enough Christmas movies yet (I accept non-Dickensian rehashes too). Soon to be rectified, I hope.