Another week, another great horror. Or, if not great, then at least great fun. Which, both Jillian and I have agreed is exactly what we needed after a few weeks of pure, unadulterated stress at both our works.
Anyone else having the shittest few weeks of their (working) lives?
Let’s see if our pick this week offers anything more than exactly what it says on the tin.
Cockneys Vs. Zombies (2012)
IMDB Synopsis: A gang of bank robbers fight their way out of a zombie-infested London.
Brothers Terry and Andy are likely lads but with their hearts in the right place. Right now they’re plotting a robbery with the help of an unstable associate called Mental Mickey (Ashley Thomas). What on earth could go wrong?
Meanwhile, the East End of London is undergoing a transformation with new builds going up all over the city. During the first stages of building it looks like the developers have uncovered a 17th century burial site, as you do. This may or may not have unleashed the undead into the streets – oopsy.
The same developers FYI are threatening closure on Terry and Andy’s grandpa’s care home which might have something to do with the upcoming robbery… Incidentally, this film would not have been the film it is if it hadn’t starred the sublime Alan Ford (Brick Top of Snatch (2000) to you and I). He makes it completely.
So, the brothers move forward with the robbery with a little help (?) from an increasingly erratic Mickey, plus friend Davey Tuppence (Jack Doolan) and cousin Katy. Things go appallingly of course when the gang end up with more than they bargained for, both fiscally and literally. The robbery brings in 2 million but they gain two hostages along the way.
Lucky for them the surrounding police officers have bigger fish to fry what with the undead devouring them all, so they get away pretty easily. I don’t really get why they take hostages at this point but they do, in the form of Emma (Georgia King) and Clive (Tony Gardner).
One by one we lose members of the squad in creative and witty ways. There’s not much I can really say about this, just that it follows a typical zompocalypse format but funnier. Things kick off when Terry and Andy head for the care home, where Brick Top and friends have been doing a decent job of fighting off zombies until now. These aren’t just any old folk after all, but cockney old folk and therefore HENCH.
Our heroes stop by Mental Mickey’s lock up on the way to Brick Top’s which happens to be packed full of every sort of ammunition. It’s Willy Wonka’s factory but with grenades and bullets. They also hot wire a double decker bus to accommodate the oldies.
(This is by far my favourite bit).
To the Questions section: Will the boys make it to their grandpa’s in time? Will Brick Top’s glamorous friend Peggy (Honor Blackman/Pussy Galore) give him reason to keep living? What will become of the boys, the money and the remaining members of our gang?
Look, there’s not much to say. This film is amusing and it doesn’t require any brainpower. It has a wonderfully old skool English cast and it has Brick Top in an action hero role. I’m in, all the way.
All I could think throughout this Zom Com (not sure this can be classed as a Rom Zom Com given the refreshing lack of romance), was: it’s no Shaun of the Dead (2004) – but then what is? It does the best it can with what it has.
Plus the cast, particularly Katy and Brick Top, look like they’re really enjoying handling all those big weapons.
My Rating: 4/5