Beards & Germs

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“Oh, you’re growing a beard? Cute.”

The hipster has done many things. He* has killed off many well-loved things over the short time he’s been King and as I type this I can’t think of a single relevant example. Tea? Knitting? Scooters, maybe?

You know you’ve seen an adult (hipster) on a scooter at some point and you’ve probably had to fight the urge to gently nudge him off as he passes. It’s a child’s toy, the scooter: walk or cycle like a grown up and get off my pavement, man!

This way of thinking actually goes against my personal philosophy and I don’t really mean it. If you want to firmly grasp the things that make you feel young and free, what business is it of mine? You do you, I’ll be me. I’m trying to seamlessly segue into an actual point here, bear with.

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God bless you, hipster

The one thing the hipster has been credited with destroying is The Beard. Over the last few years we’ve witnessed a massive increase in beard wearing amongst the male population. Now you can’t move for jostling against a lumberjack or the captain of a naval ship. Thank God.

But the hipster has somewhat over egged the pudding (Brighton, you may be the hub) and now every other man and his canine companion is rocking a similar look and people don’t like that, it seems (I’m cool with it personally). I think the general feel is that being a beard wearer is not just for Christmas, and that only wearing it while it’s cool is disingenuous. Isn’t that the fatal flaw in the hipster make-up? That they’re massive big fakers with no real passion for anything; jumping from bandwagon to bandwagon?

To counteract the hipness of the hirsute male, a recent article did the rounds revealing just how much bacteria actually hides inside those bad boys (the beards, not the hipsters). I didn’t read it, because DUH. Hair is designed to collect the nasties, isn’t it?

Armpit hair, pubes, eye lashes; it’s their main function. Is it so surprising that men with big beards may also be collecting crumbs of food, spittle and germs? I share a bathroom with a bearded honey and he does this old-fashioned thing called washing: his face, his beard, his bits. It’s not hard, honestly, I’ve seen him do it.

So, no, this news is not shocking and it doesn’t put me off my one true love, and it doesn’t remotely turn me off the idea of men with big beautiful beards. I love them in all shapes and sizes and colours and styles; and it will take way more than a bit of grubbiness to convince me otherwise.

*GROUP HUG*

(EVEN YOU HIPSTERS)

*Or she, obvs, this ain’t an exclusively male thing. Beard wearing, maybe, but not hipsterism in general.

In The Summertime

Red Poppy Photos by Stacy Thiot
“Excuse me, Sir, you’ve got something on your face”

(Look, Ma, not prompt!)

How do you write a post about hot men in the Summer without objectifying them? The answer is, you can’t!

I’m not going to defend my actions per se but before anyone gets their knickers in a twist, I am not advocating cat calling fitties in the street, even if a certain type of man have been doing it to us since the dawn of time.

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Roll me over in the Clover – LOL

This post is to be the antidote to a week of quite deep ponderings. I’ve thought a lot about my family, adolescence and lots of other things besides and I’m tired. I want to think about fluff for a moment. Chin fluff, specifically.

Yes. This is another beard appreciation post, thinly veiled as a post about Summertime perving. What of it? Look, it’s my blog.

So, at lunch the girls and I go the park to soak up the rays and hula hoop. It just so happens that they are doing major road works on the trajectory we have to meander across to reach our destination. Right now it seems fit to bursting with young(ish), nut-brown from the sun, filthy men.

*Hold me*

Now, I can’t say any of them are beardy enough to fill my fantasy quota but there is just something so inherently exciting about fit, lithe men lifting heavy things in the heat. It puts me in mind of a friend that Mr Bee has who sometimes comes over to help with DIY, such as plumbing in a washing machine. There’s something primal about a man who can make and do things with his hands.

Sorry, but it’s hot. You know, purely from a fantasy point of view. Anyway, let’s just say lunch isn’t just about light exercise and gossip, knowwhatimsayin’?

Personally, I am a fan of the pretty bearded variety of hottie but you know that already. That species is everywhere in Brighton and no longer a rare sight. Call me shallow but it’s still spectacular. *Sigh*

Beards on bicycles, beards in vests, beards in the park playing ball – I just want to look at all the beards. That’s all.

So, guys and girls, what’s your favourite Summertime perk?

Also, did someone say “How about a Top Ten All Time Favourite Beards post, Christa?” On it!